The Killing, “What I Know,” Recap the Recappers [HATER EDITION]

Whoo. So here we are. Spoiler alert, Rosie Larsen is dead. But maybe, for two seasons, you’ve been wondering, “Who is Rosie Larsen?”

What kind of person was she? I bet, when you tuned in for The Killing season series finale, you didn’t expect this show to deliver answers to that question, too! SPOILER: She was equal parts Maya Angelou and Steven Spielberg. Oh, the artist lost!

As always, RTR counts down the best quotes from episode recappers. The Killing: Hater edition begins after the jump.

 

10. Richard Lawson, The Atlantic Wire.

Also, a little parental grief goes a long way. While Brent Sexton and Michelle Forbes are good actors, watching their respective blue collar dad sad-rage and lost mom remorse over and over again proved pretty exhausting. Especially when coupled with all that terrible, terrible weather.

9. Dustin Rowles, Warming Glow

In fact, maybe the only thing worse than ending the first season without revealing the killer was ending the second season by revealing a main killer so out of left field as to almost make the glacially paced, numbing 25 episodes that preceded the finale completely moot. In fact, besides establishing that there was a murder and establishing that Rosie Larsen was at the island casino on the night of her murder, almost nothing in the entire first season of “The Killing” was necessary to explain the murderer(s).

8. Todd VanDerWerff, The AV Club, Girls.

If you go back and watch that pilot, knowing what you know about the characters now, it’s obvious that Lena Dunham and her collaborators knew who these people were and were just letting us get to know them slowly. Someone like Adam—who was seen by many of us (including me) as a “bad guy” back in the early days—now plays completely differently, since we better know who he is. It’s a really tricky feat to pull off, but when it’s done, there’s nothing quite like it.

GUHHHHHH. So you’re saying the writers knew the end ahead of time, but we didn’t? Stop the presses, that’s almost like every other book, story, show and movie we’ve ever consumed.

This is why Recap the Recappers deals with The Killing, gang. I just don’t have the energy. Girls’ detractors and champions both tread way too far.

“Rest in peace, you terrible show.” (AMC)

7. Ken Tucker, EW.com,

Thus Terry was, what, an accomplice to murder? First-degree? Anyway, she was the one who was cuffed and hauled away. (Allman made it possible to feel badly for Terry.) The criminals of power — Ames and Jackson — got away with their own sort of murder, last seen meeting with newly elected Richmond.

6. Alan Sepinwall, Hitfix.

And because I didn’t care, I wasn’t as troubled by the endless loop of visits to and from the casino, by the show’s laughable understanding of how social media works (the election-winning “viral” video of Richmond playing basketball got all of 1200 or so views), by all the extraneous business involving Stan’s old boss Janek, etc.

(**) And my first thought on seeing that the finale was opening with a flashback to Rosie alive and well on the morning of her murder was “Too little, too late.” Among the biggest mistakes the show made was failing to make Rosie matter as anything but a driver of the silly plot.

5. Andy Greenwald, Grantland. Available June 19!

Not on Monday! Nope, the world waits for Grantland, it is most definitely not the other way around. Coming Wednesday: Bill Simmons’ retroactive diary of Tiger Woods’ brilliant Round 2 at the U.S. Open. Plus: Mark Lisanti’s Remington Steele Power Rankings!

4. Willa Paskin, Salon.

Fourth, the silent, goodbye movie Rosie filmed for her family in the days before her death was supposed to be tear-jerking, but it was just a reminder that “The Killing” failed to make Rosie a real character worth caring about. She’s only ever been, as Holder put it, a person in “the wrong place at the wrong time,” and in the episode’s final minutes, suddenly the star of a chirpy music video. At least Rosie made her video with an old-school hand-held camera. Say what I will about “The Killing,” it sure is consistent. It’s a place where cops don’t know how to use email and teenagers are still shooting on 8mm.

“You just don’t get it, do you? I’m the big-time villain the show invested almost four minutes into? Do you not cheer for my demise?” (Courtesy AMC)

3. Brandon Nowalk, The AV Club.

At last The Killing lives up to its absurd twisty brilliance when Linden notices the busted tail-light on Terry’s car, but then we strap in for another five-minute tour de tears. At the end, Linden stands in an alley, drinking in her city of polite cyclists and forgotten Muslims. Even she is unfulfilled by all this. Linden’s the only thing in focus as she walks down the sparsely populated sidewalk, and eventually, she walks past the camera as the blurry city cuts to black. Inscrutability masquerading as meaning. Now there’s a twist I’ve seen before.

2. Jacob Clifton, Television Without Pity.

(Ed. Sweet, merciful crap! I didn’t realize Jacob was reviewing this show! Now I’ve got something snarky-yet-redemptive to catch up on this summer!)

Gwen: “Oh, I guess you’re still in shock from being kidnapped and told a weird story.”
Darren: “We need to spin this. Jamie can’t define my legacy. I want my legacy to be defined by the mentally ill guy that paralyzed me and then went on a killing spree. And the wisdom of that imaginary leg.”
Gwen: “Don’t overthink it! You didn’t win this election because of Indian Bones, or Jamie killing Rosie Larsen five different ways like some kinda fucking unkillable Rasputin, or because of my sociopathy and blackmailing public officials all over the country.”
Darren: “What about the stubborn leg of Ted Wright? What about that?”
Gwen: “Nope. You won this election because of the basketball you threw that one time. Don’t minimize that. It went viral, Darren.”
Darren: “That’s true. It did go viral.”

“Next crime I solve? Imma be a robot. A robot cop. A robocop.” (AMC)

You know what? How ‘bout a bonus from Jacob:

SECRET LARSEN HOUSE

The little boys are astounded and overjoyed about their new house! Tommy smiles and the demons just run out of him into the sidewalk, and they run off to go play. Mitch is beautiful, smiling.

Stan: “This is the house she was going to come back to, from college in the summers… Eventually boomerang back because our emotional issues made her unfit for society…”
Mitch: “Stan, get over it. Our daughter died, it’s not the freakin’ end of the world.”
Stan: “That’s my girl.”

  1. Starlee Kine, Vulture.

You really should read the whole thing.

But if only it was how television worked, because then we could’ve just told Ted Wright and Jamie and Richmond that they didn’t have to even do this scene because we already know that Jamie is a bad guy now. We saw the menacing look he gave the surveillance camera. We get it. But instead we have to hear Ted Wright be all, “My grandson’s always had a rich imagination. How about a cold one, city slicker? Yee haw!” Let me ask you guys a question. Say you were a sociopathic, power-hungry lunatic intent on getting to the top by any means necessary and your only alibi on the night you attacked a teenage girl was your drunkard grandfather? Would you then (a) make up a story about that grandfather in the pep talk you gave your boss, which he then managed to work into every speech he delivered from that point on, or (b) say to yourself, “Hell, as long as I’m making up shit anyway, I should probably make up a fictional relative as well”?

Bonus quote!

[Rosie] wants them to know that she loves them and that they are the greatest and she isn’t in fact the least bit mad about Stan not being her dad, but she’s still planning on, I guess, hitchhiking to California where she’s going to live among the butterflies. I guess she has never met any other mildly overachieving teenager in America who just waits to go for college study abroad programs to get all this stuff out of their system. She’ll have so many more opportunities as a high school dropout.

“Sad faces!” (Frank Ockenfels/AMC)

Have a great summer! And, if not the show, remember the lesson of The Killing:

Don’t stop to trespass on the tenth floor of a casino you worked in occasionally just to get a last glimpse of the city you’re running away from even though you’re a good student, who by the way, just dropped off a textbook to a smarmy teacher after going to the Halloween dance held inexplicably three weeks before Halloween, and taking just a scant pink backpack for a future unknown, seeing the world, just like your mom who we shouldn’t judge and if you do trespass there, sister, please don’t witness a three-headed triumvirate planning a massive government conspiracy, led by a frantic shadowy non-killer, especially his master criminal friend who we’ve spent no time developing, even though he is dating your aunt, who is a secret prostitute that only you and Darren Richmond, secret paraplegic candidate for city council, know about.

Got that?

John Hanley

About John Hanley

John Hanley is a marketing director by day, author and blogger by night, and smart aleck all the time. He lives in Kansas City. He has two cats. He habitually misplaces his stupid chapstick.
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