Quote Bash (probably). "This is real!"
Try and brush away a tear from that eye. It’s a season finale! That’s all!
A year off isn’t going to kill you. Just relax. Sprinkle some more quips into your repertoire. Consider “your mom” jokes, self-deprecation under your breath, and maybe even Margarita Mondays at your own Cave. Or commune. And for heaven’s sake, toss out those preconceived notions of jurisdiction, leeway, and attorney-client privilege. You’ll be better off.
Franklin and Bash work hard and play hard, dude. We could all learn something from that. And tonight – in the season 1 finale, Franklin and Bash will have to dig deep and tap their innermost Franklin and Bash to pull a Franklin and Bash stunt that wins their most difficult, taxing case yet.
To the courtroom!
INFECTIOUS THEME SONGS (1). Admit it. You love it.
FRANKLIN & BASH REFERENCES (5). That’s way more like it: Brett, Alison, Franklin (glorious), Judge from Star Trek (2).
POP-CULTURE QUIPS (6). Encino Man, Anderson Cooper, Anderson Cooper 360, Yoda, Frodo, Jessica Alba.
COURTROOM MINUTES (23). Way high, son. This was serious. Stanton was about to go to jail, yo.
BRAH-SOME CLICHES NOT YET MINED (1). Pro wrestling, dude! Well, sort of. I guess it’s Lucha Libre, a Spanish form of wrestling featuring two masked men battling for honor of country and man. While Franklin and Bash are busy saving Stanton Infeld the man, the firm, the legend – Hannah wrestles (Ha, ha!) with a client who won’t remove his mask.
IDEA FOR NEXT YEAR (1). Make this a 30-minute show. Get rid of the laborious subplots like the Lucha Wrestler. That was more excruciating than a Pi Phi dinner, HIGH FIVE!
GUEST STARS (4). Tricia Helfer, known for Battlestar Galactica. As if F&B’s audience watched that, nerds. The judge was the doctor on Star Trek TNG. Alison the no-nonsense prosecutor returned. And, get right the hell out of town, I know, but once the Latino wrestler took of his mask? Danny Trejo, bitches! He adds Franklin & Bash to his list of credits, which uses an impressive 13 percent of IMDB’s broadband consumption.
CARMEN IS ON IT, YO. (2) Pro writer’s tip: Need exposition? Just write Carmen into a scene. Not only does she deliver the goods on the Bad Guy Wrestler within scant minutes, she’s also there to summarize Stanton’s murder case from Alaska. Which is fantastic for Franklin & Bash, because these guys never review a client history, witness lists, or any evidence. Pfft. That’s the boring loser procedure stuff that wins trials, right, Carp?
You know this is hard cuzza the stocking hat.
MERITOCRACY ALERT (1). During a high-profile murder trial for a legal legend and one of Los Angeles’ most notable business leaders, of course the D.A. would turn to the same prosecutor who lost a DUI case to Franklin and Bash because Jared shotgunned a beer in open court. Really was the only play.
UNSEEN SUCCESSFUL CHANGE OF VENUE MOTION (1). Apparently this happened off-screen. Stanton Infeld, of course, allegedly murdered his best friend Gibson Hawk in the wilderness of Alaska. Luckily one of the parties petitioned the court to waive even the most basic jurisdiction requirements and hold the trial in downtown Los Angeles. Well played.
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RESEARCH (0). The B-plot turns on a copyright law revelation by Franklin right before crazy Lucha-sex with Danny Trejo’s daughter. Turns out, however, Franklin’s assertion that Danny the Wrestler’s signature moves are his own intellectual property actually flies in the face of any and all intellectual property law governing league membership or corporate employment or any contract ever written ever. What’s the judge say? You better believe “he’ll allow it.”
ODDS ON STARS RETURNING (8000:1). You may see one or two of Malcolm McDowell, Garcelle Beauvais, and Reed Diamond next year. But not all of them. More Pindar sublots, gang! Next year, he ventures outside. (Wait, we did that twice already?)
WEIRDLY APPROPRIATE QUOTES TO REED DIAMOND (1). “You wanna help? Stepping aside may be the toughest thing to do, but stepping aside is the smart move.” His agent chuckled and slammed a gin.
HOMAGES TO NIGHT COURT (2). En route to Stanton’s arraignment, Brett: “I thought budget cuts did away with Night Court?” Danny Trejo’s theatrical wrestler who wouldn’t take off the mask totally recalled the Red Ranger, who threatened to crush himself with an air conditioner before allowing the studio to force him to remove his costume.
ANOTHER IDEA FOR NEXT YEAR (1) . The drama leading into commercial breaks practically suffocates, it’s so damn palpable. Makes sense, of course, because TNT knows drama. I propose that right before commercials, either Franklin or Bash turn to the camera and smarm, “Franklin and Bash will be right back.” Consider: it plays homage to Zack Morris’ nefarious timeouts, it plays off the gleeful tendency to utter “Franklin & Bash,” and it’s even more proof that Franklin & Bash doesn’t take itself too seriously. You know, in case you didn’t get that by the judge ruling in favor of a courtroom field trip.
WE KNOW 1980S FORMULA DRAMA (1) Whoa, here comes surprise evidence! Provided by someone at Infeld Daniels! < GUITAR WAILS >. Franklin & Bash will be right back.
BY-THE-WAY C-STORY (1). Brett showed up in L.A. for two purposes, to show off her underwear to Bash, and to somehow engineer a takeover of the firm by throwing the case to the D.A. Hannah and Carp discover this, but honestly, the show already doesn’t give them anything to do. Don’t insult them.
GORGEOUS TIES (454). Maybe you wanna revoke my man card for salivating over these ties? But you can’t help it, brah! Ninety percent of courtroom success for a man depends on his tie. It’s science.
POSSIBLE FRANKLIN & BASH TAGLINE.
Alison. “While I agree with Mr. Franklin’s characterization of himself and his partner, can he make one thing not about Franklin and Bash?”
SEASON TWO, NEXT SUMMER ON TNT!
NOT A POSSIBLE FRANKLIN & BASH TAGLINE.
Peter. “Jared just had his first full body wax. I told him, I think you took manscaping too far.”
WEDNESDAY, WE KNOW DRAMA, ON TNT!
ALTERNATE POSSIBLE FRANKLIN & BASH TAGLINE.
Jared (pounds door.) “We’re Franklin and Bash. No one tells us what to do!”
YOU SAID IT, BROSEPH. WEDNESDAYS NEXT MAY, ON TNT!
CSI: FRANKLIN & BASH
Stanton: Unfortunately, dead men tell no tales.
Bash. “Actually, Stanton. They do.”
Cheers, bro.
MOST FRANKLIN & BASH MOMENT ON FRANKLIN & BASH EVER (1). It all built to this. Stakes never higher than when Stanton Infeld faces certain conviction for murder, but leave it to Franklin and Bash’s pithy, desperate, yet cunning and well-researched argument to the judge. Bash late to court? Check. Franklin self-deprecation in face of contempt? Check. Mom joke to frigid ADA? Check. Dead victim as witness? Check. Case law to support from 896 A.D. in a different country? Check. Smarmy yet infectious delivery of said argument? Check. Admission of twice failing Con Law II? Check. Misapplication of sixth amendment? Check. Franklin summarizing with total misunderstanding of judge’s request? Check. What’s the judge say? She’ll allow it. Of course she will.
TOTALLY JUSTIFIABLE LEGAL RESOLUTION I. As a result of the culmination of Franklin & Bash’s argument, Judge Star Trek puts her “contempt pen” away (Franklin [muttering]: “I hate that pen.”) and allows everyone into the morgue so Infeld can face his accuser. So Franklin and Bash are gonna win the trial because they called the victim to the stand. NEVER THOUGHT OF BY ANY LAWYER, EVER. You know all those times you prepped for a murder-one trial, and thought to yourself, “If only the dead guy could wake up and tell us who really did this?” Well, guess what underestimated lawyers just made it happen?
TOTALLY JUSITIFIABLE LEGAL RESOLUTION II. Despite a flimsy ruling that allows Danny Trejo to keep his mask – cited as the actual opposite of any and all previous intellectual property case law – that’s just not quick enough for our wrestling league. So they sanction a fight to keep the mask. And where better to watch that fight than Saturday night at the cave for Monk beers, margaritas and black and tans? Commune it up, bro.
SWEET VINDICATION (6). Damien’s shown up the no. 1 from New York. Hannah’s first in line in the firm’s succession plan. Bash had a legal show picked up for season 2. Carmen and Pindar, uh, still live in the commune. And Franklin? Dude now owns a wrestling league. That’s a player, yo. And don’t forget us! We went into this thinking this show had a ceiling of best legal drama, ever, and it’s clearly in the top 5. Until next summer. And watch out, Matlock! Dude is old.
This season on Franklin & Bash at MFG:
- Episode 1/Introduction
- Episode 2: She Came Upstairs to Kill Me
- Episode 3: Jennifer of Troy
- Episode 4: Bro-Bono
- Episode 5: You Can’t Take It With You
- Episode 6: Big Fish
- Episode 7: Franklin Vs. Bash
- Episode 8: The Bangover
- Episode 9: Bachelor Party
