You gotta feel for our man Franklin and our bro Bash.
World-class defense attorneys, exuding the perfect combination of poise and snark, F&B thrive under the sleazy stigma of defense attorneys. Imagine their plight this week, with defense attorneys squarely in the cross-hairs of disgruntled cable news watchers everywhere!
So as you watch Franklin & Bash near the midway point of season one (One of probably, oh, 14), keep in mind the sheer professionalism, class and poise it takes to protect our most basic right – all while withstanding a barrage of scorn from America’s housewives – uh – scorned. It would be difficult even if they weren’t so dreamy!
Last week, our heroes found themselves in a rut, shackled to uncaring guest-stars and ridiculous courtroom tropes. This week? Well, the courtroom tropes remain, but this episode was lively, light, breezy and silly. A much better return to form.
Tonight’s guest star? Jason Alexander, who plays exiled billionaire CEO Carter Something, who bilked shareholders and taxpayers and blah blah get ready for twists!
Let’s go to the tale of the tape for Big Fish.
“FRANKLIN & BASH” TERM USED IN CASUAL CONVERSATION: 5 (Carter, Damien, Hannah, Damien, Hannah)
POP CULTURE REFERENCES: (4) I’m liberally counting Zack’s reference to Samuel Clemens. Remarkably restrained.
QUOTE I’LL BEGIN DROPPING IN REGULAR CONVERSATION:
Carter: “Gentlemen. I think I have problems.”
Bash: “Wrong door. That says SOLUTIONS!”
HORRIBLE B-PLOT: (1) Damien and Hannah team up with Pindar to recruit a bigwig client from New York, who happens to be Indian. It involves repeated stereotypes pilfered from Outsourced, a hint at romance between two characters with no chemistry, a complete character reversal, a fortune-cookie presentation (In frat-guy F&B world, all those races are the same, yo), and an etching culled from toenail clippings. Which is weird enough, but seriously, Damien and Hannah visit the recluse Pindar at Franklin & Bash’s loft. And still no one thinks it’s weird Franklin & Bash & Pindar & Carmen live together! Am I the only one?
COURTROOM MINUTES: (OUT OF 52) 16 mostly pleasant. At least they kept the B-plot out of the courtroom.
TOTAL PLOT SYMMETRY: Jason Alexander is the proverbial Big Fish. And so is Pindar’s hot prospect. Will they both be reeled in?
MALCOLM MCDOWELL SAYING THE WORD ‘DISBARRED:‘ (1) Sadly, only once.
REQUESTS FOR LEEWAY: (2) Luckily, we get the gambling lady judge, who is betwixt by Franklin enough to allow his editorializing. Guess she forgot he accused her of bribery!
You won't believe this, but this pretzel? Making me thirsty.
USE OF WORD ‘BROMANCE:’ (1) Carmen, directly at Franklin & Bash! (bites knuckle)
ETHICAL QUANDARIES: Well, funny you should ask. Because there’s one big one!
You see, we open on Franklin & Bash doing something vaguely Franklin & Bashian (I think probably discussing Wittengstein between sips of chai) when who shows up but the proverbial rollerskating Big Fish, Carter Something, who only has two months to live.
He needs a pair of rapscallion lawyers to help him redistribute his assets, and he liked Franklin & Bash’s tramp stamp, so they’re hired, despite skepticism from the boss.
A former CEO, he basically stole from his company’s employees and ripped from the headlines and now he’s gone straight on account of his prognosis negative. Just needs to convert some assets into charitable donations. Nothing shady here.
Now, you know our boys Franklin & Bash (“YOU’RE MY BOY BASH“) are practically pillars of moral certitude, even if they have to trim a few ethical corners to get there. They’re thrilled, having reeled in Carter and his fat sack of money. But soon, Carter’s pulling crazy stunts, like thieving a yacht from his former No. 2, and eagerly bailing himself out. (Note: In Hollywood, you are permitted to post by paying the judge directly.) Then, he’s in trouble again, and F&B realize they’re just pawns in a scheme by Carter to cause mischief among his former colleagues – he’s practically Robin Hood! I didn’t make that leap, Carter told me in dialogue.
CRAZY TWIST: (1) But wait! Dying Carter isn’t actually just redistributing wealth back to former employees and the greater good. He’s only causing petty annoyance to his former underlings. The judge sniffs this out and puts him right in the slammer.
CRAZY TWIST (1): Wait! Franklin just got back from Carter’s doctor and heard that he’s not actually dying. GET RIGHT THE HELL OUT OF TOWN!
CRAZY TWIST (1): Trapped in the hoosegow, Carter reverts into Wall Street overlord, informing Zack and Breckin he’s actually got them for unethical behavior should they recuse. He cackles that fear is a motivator, totally back in CEO mode. So in order to build a case, Franklin and Bash are going to have to lie, cheat, and steal like Wall Street bankers slashing their way through witnesses and depositions. Who’s buying Franklin & Bash as money-grubbing, sales-obsessed Boiler Room refugees? Only everybody.
CRAZY TWIST (1): Franklin & Bash decide to throw the case. I know, I know, this is way un-bro like. You can’t throw a case! Not only are you bound by attorney-client privilege, you’d be a loser! But crafty Franklin & Bash, exhorted to do the right thing, smear their client all over the courtroom, airing his misdeeds. Then, they pack the gallery full of former Company Unnamed victims, prattle off a list of upcoming charity ventures by Carter Something, and since he’s under oath, he’s gotta totally become a great person and help the world and his plot is foiled. (High-fives, everyone.)
POSSIBLE FRANKLIN & BASH TAGLINE:
Franklin: “We take a risk every time we pull a crazy stunt in court!” (WEDNESDAYS ON TNT, FRANKLIN & BASH.)
IMPOSSIBLE FRANKLIN & BASH TAGLINE:
Bash: “Ah, sarcasm. The poor man’s wit.” (WEDNESDAYS ON TNT!)
COURTROOM LESSONS: (2) In Hollywood, you can bail yourself out by paying the judge directly in cash. Also, if you say anything under oath, you’re held to it. Like if Franklin and Bash casually drop that you’re going to Haiti on a volunteer tour to reclaim your image, Brother, you’re going to Haiti! Unless you want perjury, bro!
Previously:
- Episode 1/Introduction
- Episode 2: She Came Upstairs to Kill Me
- Episode 3: Jennifer of Troy
- Episode 4: Bro-Bono
- Episode 5: You Can’t Take It With You
