I keep telling you, there's no such thing as unnecessary White Sox hatred.
Bill Simmons’ Twitter feed reports he’s driving to Miami, so in his absence his editors conveniently cherry-picked several readers’ poor imitations of Bill responses to his “Most Tortured Teams” list from last Friday. Of course, Bill chose the Cubs No. 1, and of course, that’s totally justified. You can argue, I suppose, but it’s justified. It doesn’t matter if they’re more popular than your sorry team, we Cubs fans are tortured. Believe it or not.
However, the editors chose to run only with the dissident White Sox fan mantra; the “look at me” little-brother inferiority complex that theorizes, time and again, stuff like:
“Full disclosure: I’m a White Sox fan. I’ve lived around Cubs fans my whole life, and lemme tell ya something — Cubs fans are NOT tortured. First off, they aren’t even baseball fans. They care more about being at Wrigley and remembering where they parked their BMWs.”
- JB, Munster, Ind.
Oh, Cubs fans are all rich. Right. After all, that’s why I blog! Somebody tell me, but we’re probably yuppies, too, yes?
“Only one team had a “curse” everyone knew about and tons of yuppie fans signing up to hop on the failure bandwagon. … It’s romantic to go to the North Side and drink beer with rich white people and watch crappy baseball. There is so much “history and ambiance.” It’s a great way to feel like the common man, even though you paid $80 for a bleacher ticket.”
- Brent L., Chicago
Well, thanks, Brent L. It’s true. I never heard of baseball until I followed some dreamboat preppie to Wrigley. He looked just like Zack Morris. Next thing you know, Brent L., you’ll be telling me the 2005 title didn’t have an effect on Chicago.
“What do you think hurts more, suffering along with a cast of thousands in book and song, or getting spit on while you lose? The sick thing is that I’m still scarred, and we got our title.”
- Brent L, again.
Oh, poor you. Your team won a World Series and you can’t enjoy it. You’re right, it’s the Cubs’ fault.
“Plus they wear their failure like a badge of courage, as if choosing this lifestyle makes them noble.”
- Mike K., NY
You know what, Mike-F-N-K? We don’t. We don’t want any points for nobility. We don’t love losing. We want our team to win the World Series every year, the pennant every year, and every single game. Just like you.
Sure, it’s just as sillly of me to cherry-pick quotes from Sox fan emails, as it was of ESPN editors, who chose only these columns, all White Sox responses. All predictable and annoying.
But honestly, surely a Cardinals fan wrote in and lambasted Cubs nation? (Assuming they could read. HA.) Surely some other city feels worse than the Cubs, worse enough to bag on the North Siders. I mean, the Mariners have never won anything. Ever.
But nope, some editor selected only bitter White Sox fan emails, lumping all Cubs fans into a pot of yuppie. Well, those generalizations are hopelessly played. You wouldn’t expect me to say stuff like, “all Sox fans are meth-addicts who live in trailers outside the Cell. With no day job, it’s easy to obsess about a team that isn’t your own. And no, stealing aluminum pipes doesn’t count as a day job.”
And I would never say that.
