Mister Faded Glory’s decade in cinema

Presenting the first in our series of decade retrospective nonsense. And it may be our last, you just don’t know what kind of crazy schedule Mister Faded Glory keeps.

Films you will not see on this list, in descending order of hatred: Crash, Synecdoche, NY, Brokeback Mountain, The Royal Tenenbaums (or anything by Wes Anderson), Punch-Drunk Love, The New World, A.I., Grizzly Man.

As a general rule, if you liked any of these movies, I applaud you for pretending you exist on a higher intellectual plane than the rest of us, spending your exuberant brain power dissecting ultraflat Synecdoche and grating Punch-Drunk Love, and informing us of their briliance. With the exception of Crash, each of the above is living monument of pretentiousness. Crash is like fine cinema for imbeciles. Whew – now the hatred is out of our system.

Mister Faded Glory – Favorite movies of the last decade.

20. Closer (2004). Not exactly the most pleasant film of the decade, but an acting and directing tour de force, brutally examining relationships.

19. Batman Begins (2005). The second-best comic-book movie of all time, and a worthy re-interpretation of Batman‘s invention and Ra’s al-Ghul’s malevolence.

18. Ghost World (2001). You don’t remember Ghost World? Ah, the halcyon days when Thora Birch looked like a rising star, and Scarlett Johannson attempted to act. Steve Buscemi was at his most squirm-worthy, before beginning his quest to appear in every movie or TV show ever produced. A quirky, funny tale of youth and irrelevance.

17. (500) Days of Summer (2009). This dances the tightrope between pretentious and brilliant, a winning, optimistic romantic flick built around the guy. Which might actually be a trend in the 2000s, to be quite honest. Now explain to me again why my book isn’t selling?

16. Definitely, Maybe (2008). Speaking of chick flicks for guys, this one takes a bizarre concept and even survives an ending that wraps it up a bit too neatly. This is the kind of stuff Ryan Reynolds should be starring in, rather than dreck like The Proposal. And yes, I was thisclose to including Just Friends on this list.

15. The Prestige (2006). A slick, gripping, engaging tale of rival magicians, Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale hit on all cylinders at this point.

14. Adaptation (2002). The way I see it, each of us have our choice between the fantastic Spike Jonze/Charlie Kaufman trio of Eternal Sunshine, John Malkovich, and this one; and I choose this one. By the way, Charlie Kaufman also wrote and directed Synecdoche, NY., so it’s safe to assume the early decade was his apex.

13. Capote (2006). Again, forget Synecdoche, this is PS Hoffman at his most brilliant – a stunning, moving character and period piece.

12. The Wrestler (2008). This might be my favorite “sports movie” ever. Most of them are terrible, granted, but Mickey Rourke was fantastic and the movie itself is even better.

11. In Bruges (2008). Almost too dark to rewatch – but this has everything, unintelligible Irish accents, a crazed Ralph Fiennes, the simultaneously making-fun of dipshit tourists and dipshit touristy Euro-cities.

10. The Weather Man (2006). I have no idea why this film has receded into the background so fast. Perhaps Nicolas Cage‘s best role, and the quintessential portrayal of frustrated career man in his 30s. The scene where Cage sets out for the grocery store and his thoughts become a confused, caffeinated blur of absent-minded male schizophrenia hits a little too close to home.

9. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004). The appeal intensifies with each succeeding stinkbomb unfurled by Judd Apatow and/or Will Ferrell. Also, Jonah Hill is not in this, and Seth Rogen plays only a cameraman. We’ve searched high and low for our quotable successor to Fletch and Ghostbusters, and this was it.

8. Gone Baby Gone (2007). . Even though you’re sick of Boston movies after The Departed and Mystic River (both excellent flicks), this one is the pinnacle, a morality-questioning thriller that almost certainly leads to a fight between you and your spouse.

7. Sideways (2005). The story of a depressed and alcoholic would-be writer, unable to come to grips with his own happiness. (Yeah, you draw the parallels, Einstein) plus the resurrection of Lowell Mather‘s career. I mean, you don’t leave Wings and just fall of the face of the earth for ten years! Who’s with me?

6. High Fidelity (2000). 500 Days of Summer totally owes debt to High Fidelity, which started as a phenomenal book and survived the transition into character analysis of the thirtysomething male’s obsession with lists and superior pop music. Again, you draw the parallels. (By the way – Soundgarden returns in 2010. Presumably without Matt Cameron. We’re not far off from Malfunkshun and Green River reunions people; we are through the looking glass.)

5. There Will Be Blood (2007). Ostensibly Daniel Day-Lewis took his portrayal of Bill the Butcher and replayed it in Paul Thomas Anderson‘s only good movie ever. (Let’s go out on a limb and just confirm the general rule that I hate all directors named “Anderson” and their stupid hipster sweaters.) You don’t remember Bill the Butcher, because he was in Gangs of New York, which was wretched. At any rate, There Will Be Blood tosses up its punny title and knocks the definition of evil out of the park.

4. The Squid and the Whale (2006). I inexplicably like this movie more than most. It’s 86 minutes long, it’s almost too hip, but Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney are fantastic, in a really funny tale of adolescence and frustration. I voted for this as the Salina Art Center Cinema’s best movie of all time. It did not win.

3. No Country For Old Men (2007). We always discuss Bardem‘s coldly psychopathic killer, and Josh Brolin’s winning portrayal of our presumable hero – but Tommy Lee Jones nails this movie for me. The weathered sheriff who’s seen it all and the story’s actual protagonist – I’m still giddy about the ending, which was perfect, even if it didn’t work for you. Perhaps you should try Crash?

2. Lost In Translation (2003). This is a beautiful movie, about a strange and troubling world and lasting friendship. I can’t praise it enough. Bill Murray knocks this out of the park; forever cementing his legacy as more than alternative to Chevy Chase or Will Ferrell. He is without peer, as is this movie.

1. The Dark Knight (2008). What did you expect? Perhaps this is a predictable choice, but this film took our literary culture’s greatest hero and villain and made their stories better. And I watch it every time it’s on. And I thank everyone involved. This is what a movie should be, and you can check my archives for more sputtering about TDK’s greatness.