Mister Faded Glory | misterfadedglory.com

No doubt some of you have eagerly waited for my review of Bill Simmons’ (No. 1 bestselling? Really?) The Book of Basketball.

No doubt some of you hoped I’d excoriate his gargantuan tome in a vein similar to Charley Pierce’s spiteful takedown of the affable writer. Part of me wants to, particularly after reading Will Leitch’s gushing portrait of the Simmons influence. (An unconscionable example of written debasement rivaling only Michael Lewis’ The Blind Side.)

I’d like to. But I can’t. It’s not that The Book of Basketball is particularly good, or even rises above forgettable. But it’s simply not bad. Sure, it has its problems. For example:

• Simmons struts right into the typical ESPN trap of anticipating the counterargument before making the original argument. Bill offends often, particularly in his ranking of players (See Scottie Pippen and Julius Erving). He often details each player’s negatives before his lengthy essay in tribute. He also opens with an interminable chapter debunking the conventional wisdom that Wilt Chamberlain is better than Bill Russell, triumphantly proving Russell’s superiority. Which is fine – but that’s not the conventional wisdom, is it? Does anyone believe Wilt was better than Russell? Who are these straw men, Mr. Simmons?
• As I’ve detailed ad nauseum, Simmons continually overrates 2-guards outside of Jordan’s era, while eviscerating Jordan’s peers simply for not being Jordan. I’m fine with an essay about Clyde Drexler languishing in Jordan’s shadow; that is completely fair. But Simmons rates Sam Jones, Pippen and Allen Iverson ahead of Drexler (Absurd), along with George Gervin – whom Simmons eventually admits is one-dimensional and inferior to Clyde during his Gervin essay! (Argh. If selfishly scoring buckets willfully violates The Secret, how the hell do Rick Barry and Gervin rate so high?) This is a minor criticism, an arbitrary ranking of players can’t please everyone.
• Still, Bill often asks if we’d prefer one season of sheer dominance (e.g. Bill Walton) over an extended period of excellence (David Robinson.) He makes this point time and again, yet rates Malone ahead of Barkley for the opposite and Stockton ahead of Kidd for the same. But in that case, I’m taking Hakeem as the Greatest Player of all Time based on 1995 alone over Jordan’s entire body of work. Can’t stop me. You just can’t.
• Simmons’ conversational style lends itself to pithy humor, which (as you might expect) we totally endorse. However, two or three jokes about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Karl Malone is fine. The thousandth time, it’s old. That dead horse is fucking glue. Bill could have cut 50 pages just by not dipping into the cheap-shot well every time Kareem or Malone surfaced.

In the end, however, the book is strangled not just by its length. Read more

I certainly didn’t expect this. No, not necessarily the Colts’ comeback win against the bedraggled Houston Texans, but Indianapolis’ 11-0 start. This on the heels of comeback wins against the New England Patriots (still chortling, by the way), the same Texans, and a grinding win over the Baltimore Ravens.

I didn’t expect this. But here we are. Like 2005, 2006, and 2007, the Colts have rattled off enough wins to prompt another round of annoying “should they rest the starters if and when they reach 14-0 blah blah blah,” with Bob Kravitz leading the charge of furrowing brows.

Well, who cares? They won’t go undefeated – I don’t even know if they should. I don’t think this team is as good as the 2005 squad that honked a playoff opener against the Steelers, nor the 2006 champions (with a healthy Bob Sanders), nor the 2007 squad who frittered away a midseason clash of the titans to New England.

But I could be wrong. And faced with remnants of a schedule that looked ominous before the season, well, the Colts might just be a very good team, rather than a squad who knows how to win regular season games only. Peyton Manning, Dallas Clark, and Reggie Wayne probably equate to 6 wins by themselves – but what’s the common thread among the Colts’ 11-0 start and perplexing 20-game winning streak?

It’s the defense.

It’s taken nearly nine years, but the Colts defense is now more than just a Cover-two monster, and it’s more than just a complement to Indy’s offensive arsenal. In the last three games, the defense has come up huge. Larger than life. Larger than we ever thought possible, especially without 2007 Defensive Player of the Year Sanders.

Consider: Today the Colts’ D faced a 20-7 halftime deficit, the talented Texans offense operating like a machine. The Colts nearly pitched a shutout; with standout linebacker Clint Sessions jumping a route for a game-icing TAINT. Indianapolis allowed only a garbage-time touchdown with 20 seconds left.

Last week the Colts entered Baltimore and slugged it out with the physical Ravens – stuffing Baltimore inside the 20 on four downs to preserve a lead, and Gary Brackett intercepting Joe Flacco on the game’s penultimate drive. During a game featuring crucial red-zone turnovers by Manning and the offense, the defense held serve.

And finally, two weeks ago, the Colts stared at a 31-14 deficit, a rattled Manning, and Randy Moss seemingly open at will with no Bob Sanders to spy on him. Besides the Colts’ re-commitment to the running game, Antoine Bethea picked off a pass, forced a fumble, and Robert Mathis came up huge on two Patriots’ drives. The crowd was back in it, and Bill Belichick melted down. Payback for 2007, indeed.

And here we are. The Colts 11-0, surviving a couple weeks, staring at defeat a couple of times, and not looking at all like they’ve peaked – their last complete, efficient game was Week 6 against the Titans. Incidentally, the Titans now pose a threat to the Colts win streak – with Vince Young at the helm, Indianapolis faces the one option which hurts it the most – a running quarterback. It’s the David Garrard/Byron Leftwich conundrum, reborn as VY and Collins.

Regardless, the Colts look down at the rest of the AFC, have all but clinched the AFC South, and threaten a Patriots consecutive games-won record. What else is going right (or wrong) with our heroes?

OFFENSE

More than any other team (except New England), the Colts tie up a core of players and fill in the rest around them. As expected, Manning, Clark, and Wayne lead the charge – with an offensive line improving, and a re-commitment to the running game of Joe Addai and Donald Brown beginning with the second half of New England. Today, they balanced running and passing nicely to keep Houston on its toes. And the Colts can’t win without running the ball – it remains the one constant that set the 2006 team apart.

As for the newcomers, Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie have both been finds for the offense – role players thriving. I said before the season the loss of hugely overrated Anthony Gonzalez was actually a blessing in disguise. It’s your guess whether I love the cedille on Garcon’s jersey or really love the cedille.

DEFENSE

Jim Caldwell – for his lack of expression – already has put a stamp on the defense, with the help of new coordinator Larry Coyer. First of all, the straight Cover-2 is gone. But the Colts have rebuilt the secondary on the fly – Sanders, Marlin Jackson, and Kelvin Hayden are all MIA. However, Bethea has labored in Sanders’ shadow as one of the best safeties in the league for the past few seasons, and continues his Pro Bowl play. The Colts also don’t lose a lot with Melvin Bullitt in coverage, and I type this as the biggest Sanders homer on earth.

Jerraud Powers, a rookie from Auburn, has been a find, a lockdown corner the Colts haven’t had in … shit, ever? Jacob Lacey has played well, and so has Tim Jennings, believe it or not, in spots.

However, Caldwell and Coyer also have dialed up the blitz more, and shuttled more linemen in and out to give Mathis and Freeney (and Raheem Brock) breathers. It’s worked, it’s helped the run defense, and it’s kept opposing offenses off balance. Used to be, time and again, the Patriots and Chargers could blow up the Colts by running or screening right at Mathis or Freeney. Not anymore.

The D-Line shenanigans also allow the Colts’ undersized linebackers to thrive; Gary Brackett and in particular Clint Sessions have had outstanding seasons so far. Brackett’s always been fair in coverage, and he’s improved against the run this season. Sessions is a beast – an opportunistic hitter who forces fumbles and picks his spots well. He’s the type of player pundits proclaimed Cato June; only in the flesh, not a mirage.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Um, for whatever reason, they’re no longer terrible. The Colts’ kicking tandem of Adam Vinatieri and Matt Stover is OK, and Pat McAfee is punting just fine. He’s also kicking the ball off into the end zone, which is fucking fantastic – short kickoffs doomed the Colts’ defenses in several years preceding. (Because Mike VanderJagt was a douchebag. How’s that for analysis.)

I realize I’ve doomed the Colts by spending more than 1000 words on them. They’re not going to go undefeated, I’m only talking myself into believing they’re actually a Super Bowl contender. We’ll see.

But there’s something to be said for efficiency. For a core that never quits, and a group that’s always seeking to improve. The Colts may very well be the Atlanta Braves of the NFL; a team that dominates the regular season and has only one title to call its own. No doubt Kravitz is dusting off his autotext version of that column as well. But there’s nothing wrong with sustained regular season success. It’s a privilege to watch.

That said, however, this team may be showing signs of more. We’ll see. And we’ll enjoy.

Mister Faded Glory returns from hiatus, its author supposedly rested and relaxed after a weeklong trip to San Diego (no, not to punch Philip Rivers in the face).

Upon his return, he immediately squared off against a yard impossibly filled with leaves, and an irascible opossum taking up residence in his shed. Now victorious, he announces his return annoyingly in the third person.

Anyway, I’m here. And I’ll be blogging again, more frequently, and I might even discuss the Hawkeyes (Great season, would prefer aggression with 50 seconds left) and the Colts (Bet on the Texans tomorrow). But in the meantime, I spent most of the fall consuming new stuff – which I’ll be reviewing in staccato bursts during the next few weeks. In addition, I’m a bit more refreshed and a bit more certain These Monks will see the light of day, and I’ll be burning the midnight oil to make it happen. Moreover, I’ve got Book No. 2 in the works. I know, how pointless is that!

Still, in the next few days I’ll cover essentials released, chewed up, and spit out by me this Fall, including:

• Bill Simmons, The Book of Basketball.
• Chuck Klosterman, Eating the Dinosaur
• Jonathan Tropper, This Is Where I Leave You
• The Blind Side.
• Up In The Air
• Alice In Chains, Black Gives Way to Blue.
• Pearl Jam’s tour including show-stoppers in Philadelphia.
• V, the remake.
• Scrubs, the return.

And more, believe it or not. And I know you missed my exuberant schadenfreude at Bill Belichick’s maligned (OK, much-maligned) decision from two weeks ago. Suffice it to say Simmons is right, stat guys are wrong. I love the call if the Patriots are down by a point. With a narrow lead, it was reckless. Groin-grabbingly reckless!

Anyway, presented for your enjoyment is Pearl Jam’s L.A. cover of Hunger Strike with Chris Cornell. My heart melts. (Did that sound weird?)

Before you tell me that I’m already on it, let me explain.

I got nothing. I’m off to California, for six days. Try and cope without me.

Never doubt the Colts. Lesson learned.

Our undefeated heroes, the Indianapolis Colts, battled the Sports Illustrated curse this week at the Luke, squaring off against a Patriots team threatening to return to their juggernaut status.

And the Colts, who made several mistakes the last two weeks, eking out victories against Houston and San Francisco, looked sloppy on offense once again. Six punts in the first half, two awful Manning interceptions, and poor punt coverage contributed to a run of Patriots’ points.

The Colts defense actually played well, although they battled in several undesirable situations. You’d like to think with fewer mistakes on offense, the time of possession would have swung more in the Colts’ favor, resulting in fewer New England points at the very least.

And through three quarters of miscues and failures, I was ready to post a recap of the game highlighting the Colts’ issues that may haunt them in the second half of the year. The running game again was forgotten, the D-Line’s pressure stalled, and Manning unveiled the chicken dance and overthought way too much.

But, down 17 points, something funny happened. The Colts returned to the running game. All of a sudden Joe Addai and Donald Brown were available outlets in the passing game. And they scored.

And then they kicked. The defense stuffed New England’s running game, and forced a fourth and 2. At the New England 30.

And inexplicably, Belichick and Brady went for it. Which is mind-boggling stupid. Just horrendous. Predictably, they failed, and the Colts scored, and no one will remember New England calmly executing their game plan to a T against Indianapolis.

They’ll remember the bonehead decision by Belichick – either hubris or stupidity, Manning and the Colts scored four plays later.

And with precisely zero trace of irony, Tony Dungy claimed that “you have to play the percentages and punt the ball there.”

He smiled thinly. So do we Colts fans. Another classic chapter in the rivalry, and a win that feels like payback for the 2007 clash we blew.

Nine and zero, and the Colts move on.

Rarely does one play subvert, define or morph a season quite as visibly as Saturday. Often, we look back, and one play resembles a catalyst for a game. Occasionally, reviewing a season, we causally link a tenor change to one play in retrospect.

On Saturday, that one play showed up. And it was there. And Iowa knew it, and Hawkeye Nation knew it, and a pipe dream season – still very much in play, mind you – teetered between fantasy and nightmare.

Sacked by a Northwestern defensive end on the bootleg play that dug Iowa out of its Indiana grave on Halloween, Ricky Stanzi failed to get up, failed to return, and is probably out for the regular season. That one play did it – not only did it knock out the Hawkeye leader, but it sapped the emotion from a team that appeared to cruise early. It also gift-wrapped a touchdown for Northwestern, which turned out, oddly, to be the defining margin of the game.

That one play rendered any national championship fantasy moot, and in a knee-jerk world, it was easy for Hawkeye fans to wonder if the Big Ten title had just slipped away.

In one play. One play reminded us expectations are tricky – before Sept. 1, no one on earth would have looked at the arduous Big Ten road schedule, and forecast a 9-1 record going into Ohio State. Not one of us.

We knew the Hawkeyes were talented – but the near-misses and the poise and the comebacks drove Iowa up the standings, into national discussions (Deservedly so, mind you) and to the top of the Big Ten. Suddenly, a resilient team seemed maybe powerhouse. Suddenly on Saturday – after Iowa bludgeoned Northwestern early – the powerhouse toppled. And with that, the expectations crushed us – the loss a stomach punch, not just a narrow defeat, not just a blip on an unforgettable season, but a harbinger of What-if.

But there’s no point in wallowing in that. None at all. Like Iowa has done many times before, they’ll improve after a loss. During Ferentz’s regime, Iowa improves each game, start to finish, and each season, start to finish. Those qualities are the backbone for the quiet confidence (OK, loud confidence) some of us showed earlier this year.

Those qualities are the backbone now. With teams fully whole, Iowa and Ohio State are the class of the Big Ten. Both thumped Penn State in Happy Valley by similar scores, both have one blip against a malcontent upstart. Certainly, going to Ohio State, to Columbus, to the Horseshoe (with Herbie calling), to play for the Big Ten title without Adam Robinson, Dace Richardson, and Ricky Stanzi, the Hawkeyes are just a tad less whole than OSU. Just a tad. Winning in the Shoe is a tall order.

But of course it is. It’s the de facto Big Ten title game, in a conference widely derided for not having one. Of course it’s tough to win, and of course it’s a daunting task. But so was Madison. So was Happy Valley.

And since the Hawkeyes are going to Columbus, since they have a full week to rebound from a loss, since they’re making the trip, and since it’s probably for the outright conference title …Well, they might as well win, reserves or issues or warts and all. You can expect otherwise, to cushion the fall, if you like.

But you don’t have to. Go Hawkeyes.

(Also, Sports Illustrated? Go straight to hell and die.)

Yes, of course, Boston and St. Louis earned team non grata status during the interminable NBA MLB playoffs.

But I think I underestimated how fully annoying a Yankees world-series title would be. Supposedly their fans aren’t any worse than anyone else. (Red Sox fan: JETAH SUCKS! St. Louis fan: [Pompous, overwrought clapping.]
Cubs fan: Show us your tits! Show your tits!) But honestly, they are. They TOTALLY are.

Look at this insufferable douchebag, for crying out loud. Look, no one cares if you “bought a championship.” We all know it’s more complex than that.

We care when you use a World Series title as an immediate license to revert into a pompous asshole, lording your number of titles over us and explaining your fandom thusly:

First of all, remember that lots are Yankees fans because, well, they’ve always been Yankees fans. If you decided as an adult to be a Yankees fan in 2000 because, hey, they seemed to be winning the World Series a lot, this post isn’t about you. But the rest of us just happen to root for the team that spends more than others. That doesn’t make our fandom any less sincere.

Read more: Trust Us: A World Series Win Is Just As Sweet If You Buy It — The Sports Section http://nymag.com/daily/sports/2009/11/trust_us_a_world_series_win_is.html#ixzz0W0rIcHPo

Are you kidding? That’s exactly who Yankee fans are. Especially Midwestern fans. Stop defending the bandwagon jumps, most Yankee fans glommed onto this team at various winning points throughout the century – jumping on a bandwagon simply whenever the team was winning, and/or when white sportswriters cultivated mancrushes on Mickey Mantle. We all know this. Stop defending it, enjoy your World Series, and kindly fuck off.

For I am a Cubs fan. And nothing sends me into a rage quite like my facebook news feed, the day after another New York title, whence someone claims:

Yankee Fan. FINALLY! Thank you, Yankees!!! 27th heaven. About time. (thousand exclamation points omitted.)

Yeah, finally. Ten years. You know pain, beat rag.