I doubt I can put together a decent Cubs epitaph anytime soon. Maybe later. Maybe never. (We’re still waiting for a 4-0 Colts preview, by the way. Um, guess they’re good. The Gonzalez injury is actually a blessing in disguise. Fin.)
But suffice it to say, Chicago and national media may now gleefully begin AutoTexting typical, tired 101-years-and-counting storyline. For crying out loud, we get it. The Seattle Mariners have never won. Go bother them. If the Cubs had won it all in the last few years, I’d still be disgustipated at this stupid season.
I digress. Recently, I was in Atlanta for a business conference (Believe it or not, this blog does not sustain my income) and I had the chance – or misfortune – to discuss baseball over a quick dinner with an unfamiliar cohort hailing from New England, a lifelong fan of the Red Sox.
You know, the Sawx. A punch line for so many years, frustrated with the Yankees’ shadow, unable to break through, torturing their fans, until finally reaching pay dirt in 2004, and extending Cleveland’s misery in 2007. No longer lovable, the Sawx now feature the most obnoxious, emboldened fans in all of sport. It wasn’t so long ago their 86-year stretch rivaled the Cubs’ 95-year failure string.
Between bites of a burger and a baseball discussion, my newfound Boston friend actually said this:
“You know, I just don’t think the Cubs will ever do it.”
Instead of replying “Fuck you with a shovel,” I reminded him that only a few years ago, we toiled in near-misses as brethren. Legions of Sox fans and tormenters whined and whined that history would never be conquered. Dan Schaughnessy wrote 7 books.
Really, sir? You are FROM BOSTON. You, of all people, should know what this is like.
Their burgeoning fan base has forgotten all the torment – and callously peers down their noses at Cub fans, Indian fans, Giant fans. I’m loathe to embrace any Midwestern inferiority complex, but, for crying out loud, what an asshole thing to say.
But it’s not his fault. He is who he is. A dipshit Red Sox fan. I firmly reminded him that luck lasts however long, and eventually we’ll get it right, just like they did. Keep knocking on the door, and you’ll eventually get in. However, as a Red Sox fan, I’m sure this message fell deafly. BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN AWESOME FOREVER.
That’s why, as we enter a horrific baseball postseason (I’ve already punched some douchebag shouting ‘Rocktober!’), the Red Sox are officially anointed as TEAM NON GRATA. We want them obliterated, we want them gone, we want them destroyed. We want their bandwagon fans, now sporting pink “B” hats, to quickly switch to the familiar “NY.” Though we cheered for the Sox’s landmark comeback in 2004 against New York – now we will root for the Yankees to slaughter them. Fuck their fans, fuck the Patriots, and fuck all of New England and the “Nation.”
Although – it does give hope. Really, will I forget years of frustration after the Cubs win it all? Will I be granted the latitude to scoff at other fans?
Er… don’t answer that.
