Mister Faded Glory | misterfadedglory.com

Shocker: The world’s most hated football team signs yet another gritty, white, veteran gamer – John Lynch – whom we’ll all despise vehemently within scant few months, not his fault. Depending on his level of visibility, and not limited to the requisite gushing analysis from NFL media and Boston sycophants, Lynch will soon be the Patriots’ token annoying, ring-hunting front-runner who inspires shallow announcers and infuriate the rest of us.

To recap, the Patsies’ overrated, overhyped, and overpublicized defense now employs a loudmouth cheap-shot artist, an HGH-dealing headhunter, an eye-poking, dirty meathead, an ex-Cyclone, a whiner whose defensive prowess is overrated because of his role as a short-yardage TE, and did we mention the biggest douchebag in pro sports? What stories, all! Can’t wait.

-

Apparently, I rose on the wrong side of the bed, crammed tongue firmly into cheek, and ripped on a harmless event, though my home state inexplicably and stupidly loves its annual hayseed exhibit. Which is fine, I guess. Any chance for Def Leppard and/or Foreigner to tour is OK by me.

-

The Cubs exorcised years of demons in horrendous Joe Robbie Stadium or whatever it’s called. Even now, it’s tough to believe Chicago won this weekend’s series with the Fish – the Cubs are notorious for making Marlins’ rookie starters look like worldbeaters (You’re welcome, Chris Volstad. Again). Thank heavens for today’s seventh-inning beatdown (a decade in the making) and Daryle Ward’s Friday heroics. Friday’s come-from-behind win may be one you’ll remember long after the year’s over. Maybe. Regardless, an unexpected win, an unexpected ending, and a fantastic finish. Thank you, Mr. Ward.

(P.S. – That’s last year’s Ward jersey. Until Friday he apparently played so badly an updated No. 33 model hasn’t been released for sale.)

-

And, finally, I remained cranky early in the week, launching into a tirade that would have been timely in 2000, but now read like the ravings of a clown. Apparently I missed my cable system adding a sole HD Olympics Basketball Channel, so I could easily have watched all of Team USA’s beatdowns. Instead, I whined, opined, and castigated NBC and the Olympics.

Oops.

I’m wrong, because I’ve actually watched some of the Olympics so far; and though I don’t particularly care for most of it, the coverage is fairly solid. Sometimes, sure, NBC’s pulling some weird shenanigans with live/taped disclosures, and the Peacock (and the Olympics) is always heavy on schmaltz. Still, I have few complaints – most of the schedule, predominance, analysis, and introduction and encapsulation are actually palatable.

The events actually air live, and sometimes again, and most action is fairly called, evaluated, and described – even synchronized diving or that weird oval/cycling thing. If it was Fox, Terry Bradshaw would clumsily narrate water polo highlights, Jack Bauer would emerge from the pool to stage a phony battle with China, your screen would be covered with grunting robot-graphics swimming along with Michael Phelps, and Simon Cowell would excoriate each and every gymnast.

NBC, however, is doing OK. If you’re a diehard, the Olympics are fairly easy to watch, if you’re a casual sports fan, the coverage shouldn’t infuriate you.  I suppose that’s all we can ask for.  I still don’t care for the corporate, marketing, or convenience packaging within sports media – but that’s a quibble with sports as a whole, not just the Olympics.

Anyway, I was wrong, sort of. I’m an idiot, almost completely. But then, say it with me, you already knew that.

–

And finally, speaking of weeks in review, I’m filing this just as ESPN’s Sunday evening SportsCenter begins – the WWL’s most-watched, flagship show during any given week. Take a guess – which story led the night’s broadcast?

1. Dodgers outlast Brewers in frantic finish, and another come-from-behind win
2. Cubs rally, blitz pesky Marlins late
3. Michael Phelps, 8th gold medal, follow-up
4. Womens’ 100m dash finals at the Olympics
5. Redeem team medal round preview
6. Devil Rays widening gap in AL East
7. Lions-Bengals preseason NFL game; Chad Johnson walks off field.

It’s No. 7. Lions vs. Bengals. Chad Ocho Cinco Whatever might be injured. Might be. Apparently CJ is given protected status similar to Brett Favre or Terrell Owens in Bristol, and whatever he does is news first; everything else is secondary. I wish this was a joke.