Aaaand … scene?

Obviously, Mister Faded Glory is so hopelessly narcissistic that he lets each and every four of you in on most of his innermost dialogues. In fact, MFG’s been trying to do this as coherently and amusingly as possible for nearly six years – which boggles the mind (Our current strategy: Gain two readers per year. Which should put us on pace to overtake the insipid Bleed Cubbie Blue by nearly 2154.).

In any case, maintaining a blog requires a certain amount of narcissism, arrogance, self-deprecation and self-loathing. So it was no surprise to me to read the August 11 issue of Newsweek - that’s right, fuckers, I read actual print – and learn all about a phony disorder currently plaguing waiting rooms all across the country – namely, thousands of males assuming they’re a primary character in their own reality TV show. (Which is patently absurd: None of these douchebags are in my TV show.)

If you think about it, however, this is life in the now. Each of us, armed with a blog, livejournal, facebook, myspace, or whatever – we’ve all convinced ourselves our daily minutiae is more important than your daily minutiae. Some of us even have written entire novels about self-indulgent narcissists swimming in each other’s malaise. (How’s that for self-reference?)

In any case, no disorder exists featuring these oversensitive, overwrought, overanalyzed symptoms.  Rather, it’s a fact of life for many Gen X, Gen X.5, or Gen Y males. None of us are the macho archetypes of the 1940s or the grizzled savage action heroes of the 1970s or early 1980s. Instead, we’ve been weaned on a pop culture featuring self-obsessed dweebs – everyman – furrowing through inner monologues. From The Wonder Years through Scrubs, this is our life. And it’s no wonder any of us with blogs cast ourselves as the lead, the Kevin Arnold or J.D. Dorian within our own lives, amid requisite soundtracks. (Cue Joe Cocker or New Slang. My personal preference? Well, duh.)

Anyway, most of us appear afflicted with this disorder, a profound bloggers’ disease of self-importance. At least, however, I haven’t descended further into Twitter-territory – offering you personal anecdotes by the millisecond, assuming each of my thoughts is of utmost importance and/or interest. And you thought wordy posts were a problem – what about this?

• MFG84sez:Can’t wait for my state fair should I get a Pronto Pup or ten thsand sno cones
• MFG84sez:Daunte Culpepper? What about Daunte Cul-salt?
• MFG84sez:FTW – how can all these bloggers call The Big Lead the US Weekly of Sports Blogs. U kno what’s the US Weekly of sports blogs? SPORTS BLOGS.
• MFG84sez:He’llbe back, he went out for his urinalysis. HOW CAN NUN UV YOU SEEN FLETCH?
• MFG84sez:ChaseUtley=DREAMY ZOMG was that outloud? LOLLERSK8S!!11!

Seriously, I’ve already got this blog to highlight my neuroses and stupidity – I don’t need a service cataloging my severely boring trains of thought. Sure, I’m as big a narcissist as any male suffering from MyOwnTVShow paranoia. Don’t need Twitter to further my dementia.

Um…right?

• MFG84sez: Unflappable? That’s right – I can’t be flapped.

Zuh.