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By the way, I’m aware of the irony of appearing on television in order to decry it. So don’t bother pointing that out.

Sideshow Bob.

And with further ado, we deliver a real treat – actual follow-up on draft results for every team, every player. That’s right. And we’re off.

1. Derrick Rose, Memphis, Chicago Bulls. Great draft for Chicago. A pure point with an extra gear. IMO, a sure thing.

2. Mike Beasley, K-State, Miami. Good draft for the Heat – Beasley may actually thrive with Marion and Wade in tow. And, of course, we predicted a complete and total fleecing of Chad Ford. Thanks for the continued misinformation. With three principle scorers, Mario Chalmers (2nd) could actually start right away – and be effective.

3. O.J. Mayo, SoCal, Grizzlies. Sure, he’s the third-best player – but how does he fit with Rudy Gay, Hakim Warrick, Mike Conley, Kyle Lowry, et. al? I’m sure they’re rearranging pieces for a fire sale or eventual free agent push. But when will that be? 2009? Les Grizz heisted Darrell Arthur late at night, which is a plus. My guess is Warrick and Conley are shopping for new places, soon.

4.  Russell Westbrook, UCLA, Seattle. Um, no. I’m sorry, everyone’s in love with Westbrook, but UCLA was on TV like every weekend, this kid couldn’t score in a brothel, and last I checked, you didn’t waste No. 4 picks on defenders-only. Later in the day, the Sonics selected a guy from the Congo to play overseas. I know you’re shocked.

5. Kevin Love, UCLA, Minnesota. I actually think he’ll be a good pro. Not in Minnesota.

6. Danilo Gallinari, Armani Jeans, New York Knicks. Sure, fine, D’Antoni could make it work. Probably should have tried to deal this cursed pick with a passion before the day; but given NY’s trade record, maybe not.

7. Eric Gordon, Indiana, L.A. Clippers. And we never heard from him again.

8. Joe Alexander, West Va., Milwaukee. The Bucks and Grizz, racing to fill their AAU squads with small forwards. At least they got rid of Yi.

9. D.J. Augustin, Texas, Charlotte. But whom to pass to? The Bobcats’ uniforms and Michael Jordan’s presidency are arguments a-and-b for contraction.

10. Brook Lopez, Stanford, New Jersey. The Nets added lots of solid complementary parts, including Chris Douglas-Roberts – an upgrade over Richard Jefferson, if you ask me. At some point they’ll have to pursue a free agent. When they move to Brooklyn. Wonder who.

11. Jerryd Bayless, Arizona, Portland. OK, so my new favorite team dealt my favorite vogue-pick Brandon Rush to acquire Bayless to play point, even though he’s a chucker. I guess if anyone knows point guards, it’s Nate McMillan, so we’ll see.

12. Jason Thompson, Rider, Sacramento. To all those who blast the Kings for snagging the blase senior Thompson – they also drafted Kevin Martin way too high. So you know.

13. Brandon Rush, Kansas, Indiana. The Pacers are going to be b-a-d next year. However, TJ Ford-Jarrett Jack is an adequate PG combo, Rush and Granger are adequate swingmen. Soon they’ll be pursuing a huge free agent. Not sure if it will be next summer, or whom. We’ll see.

14. Anthony Randolph, LSU, Golden State. Before the rosters are trimmed to 12, Randolph and Brandan Wright can play some fantastic games of 1-on-1.

That’s all for now – just the lottery. We’ll re-up later with our thoughts on the rest of the first round. And, ahem, Donte Greene, what the hell did we tell you? Too late to listen now.