Die Hard 4: Die Harderererer

Things have finally calmed down somewhat in Mr. Faded Glory-land; for a while it was rapid-fire with work projects, home projects, other projects and quick trips. Now, however, July’s almost here, and dare I say it – I’m almost caught up (Read: Finished burning through rapid-fire discs of The Wire like candy. Fantastic show. Deserving of all its hype, accolades and more.).

And so, it’s about time to begin our summer movie stretch (Note: I’m not counting Shrek 3, which I saw with the official nephew of Mr. Faded Glory in May. May is not summer, and Shrek 3 was barely a movie.) – with the fourth installment of the inimitable Die Hard franchise.

If you know me, you know that I disdain fully most action movies. However, Die Hard and its sequels are leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the genre. The first Die Hard is absolutely the best action movie of all time – I will not argue the point. It’s filled with adrenaline rushes, suspense, and even (gasp!) character development. It’s a popcorn movie with a pulse, and even though Die Harder and With a Vengeance aren’t quite as good – they’re enjoyable as well.

I viewed this summer’s resurrection of John McClane with skepticism – after all, it’s eleven years since the last Die Hard, 19 since the first – but I’ve become pleasantly surprised with the reviews. The Post likes it. The Times likes it. Salon likes it. This is all good news – and we’ll happily take in the third sequel sometime within the week (Before our trips to the art center to see Waitress, and our opening-day rush to see The Simpsons). In fact, Die Hard 4 (I’m avoiding using its idiotic title) features an almost-astonishing 78 percent on Rottentomatoes.com. Even our friends at Slate enjoyed Die Hard 4, of course, with a tongue-in-cheek self-importance suggesting their consumption of Die Hard is on an entirely different level than ours.

You may be surprised that I even linked to our friends at Slate, following their Fletch debacle. However, it’s absolutely stunning to read Slate‘s tribute to action-movie quotes this week. Apparently, if you’re scoring at home, all those idiotic summer action movies in the 1980s with Schwarzenegger or Stallone are actually now camp-classics, their one-liners actually trendy, and actually essential pieces of film lore. Who knew! According to Slate, action movie quips (I’ll be back … Make my day … Get off my plane … You’re fired) are actually, totally, we-told-you-so cool – supremely superior, of course, to an entire 1980s movie full of quips that still stands as a cult comedy classic to this day. Makes perfect sense. Totally consistent and coherent revelations, again from our friends at the world’s coolest magazine. Again, if you’re a comedy – don’t bother filling yourself with bitingly-funny clips unless they reveal some sort of social commentary on the state of America; and if you’re an action movie, well, any ad-lib liner thrown in after an explosion is pure fucking genius. Yippee ki yay, Slate.