Mister Faded Glory | The critique of everything

It’s the week leading up toward the final four – in which notable media outlets are ecstatic that four Goliaths have returned toward the center stage – and we, actually, couldn’t be less interested. To wit, it’s not as though college basketball was so rife with upsets that only casual fans tuned in during the last four or five years. Sure, we’ve had a smattering of 4- and 5-seeds advancing to the Final Four – but there’s typically nothing wrong with that. And just because this tourney features the highest overall seeds in the Four since 1999 or even 1993 – that doesn’t mean we’re returning to some halcyon days of college basketball past.

It just means the media’s in a better mood because their chalk picks have worked out. That’s all. Three and four No. 1 seeds in play during Elite Eight weekend is the anomaly, not an LSU, Michigan State, Florida, or Syracuse run from years’ past. So, sure, the games should be competitive, but this isn’t the return to major school supremacy that will last a lifetime. It’s just another, different, year.

(No, since you asked, I’m not bitter that I only selected one Final Four team correctly.)

But, since you asked, here’s where I missed on all three other teams:

1. UCLA – Just because I liken Ben Howland’s style to watching paint dry, that doesn’t mean he’s not a good coach. I missed on UCLA because I thought Kansas was too talented. I still think they are – and am a little befuddled how two teams completely slowed down the games and flummoxed them completely. Credit the Bruins, they played some sick D.

2. Ohio State – Mike Conley Jr. and Ron Lewis have arrived. That’s it. Greg Oden is very good, but Conley and Lewis weren’t exactly wonders in the Big Ten this year. Against the field, they’ve shined. I missed on these guys (not by much), true.

3. Georgetown – All year I’ve been ragging on inconsistent guards, and I’m not the only one. But Jon Wallace and Jessie Sapp played beautifully down the stretch against North Carolina, and indeed, the entire Hoyas’ team plays supremely confident – as if they have knowledge a huge spurt is forthcoming, as it did against UNC.

So there. Four good teams, four compelling matchups, blah blah blah, you know it’s college basketball, so you know I’ll watch, but I’m actually a little bored with the whole thing. I guess I’d like to see UCLA win, but also, I don’t really care.

I do care, however, about one annoying late-game strategy that I’ve mentioned before – the coach’s timeout with 14 seconds left. With 15 seconds left, or perhaps 20 or so, during North Carolina’s epic meltdown, Roy Williams called a timeout. What happened? Crappy shot by some point guard named Ellington. Same thing happened in the Louisville-A&M game – crappy shot by some point guard. Bill Self also used the strategy against Southern Illinois – some joker got fouled and missed two throws.

Now, I’m no coach, but there’s a major difference between sprinting up the court and calling an immediate timeout, than between pounding a few dribbles, running the clock down to desperation times, and heaving up a throw. Teams practice all year to pass and look for the best shot within 35 seconds – how does it help to remove that entirely from their arsenal, and force them to stand, and then frantically run some bizarre play from the sideline?

It lessens the team’s options, strengthens the defense, and too often, results in a play breaking down and a point-guard hoisting up a prayer of a shot. Look, inside a minute of a game, you need to be able to break down the defense, search for the best shot, hit it, and then play defense, foul, or hit free throws of your own. And when a coach fractures that strategy and sabotages the normal rhythm of his offense – well, how can you expect to succeed in that instance?

It’s ludicrous, ridiculous, and detracts from the drama and urgency of late-game situations. And it’s conventional wisdom, and we don’t know when (or who) exactly started it. (Perhaps it began when teams were allowed 87 timeouts within a game. When did all this happen?) More power to the coaches who refute this conventional wisdom, however.

One more note, and then we’re shut down for the week (and sorry, we don’t have time to fill in the appropriate Bill Simmons, Big Lead, Joe Posnanski, or CBS links to support our postulates) -

ESPN, perhaps somewhat seeing the light, has replaced Joe Theismann with Ron Jaworski on Monday Night Football. Hallelujah.

Now, you know that MFG detests the corporate Mike Tirico, and is hopelessly devoted to crackpot curmudgeon Tony Kornheiser. So we’ve got those biases. However, this move is not only a banner one for the Worldwide Leader – it’s an acknowledgement that football seamheads are a viable portion of the audience.

Perhaps ESPN watched its own telecasts and groaned, as the three Musketeers barely varied from two or three main talking points. Perhaps they knew there is more to the game than simply fellating each and every player or coach you met the night before.

Perhaps there’s a bit more room for statistical or theoretical analysis (Jaws) combined with an outsider’s take on the inanity of certain rules or conventional wisdom (Tony). That interplay should work much better than Theismann’s constant attempts to (1) be profound, (2) be right, even if it resulted in Joe changing opinions mid-sentence, (3) protect some “old guard” of football players, or (4) exhort only conventional wisdom and only analyze plays with a cursory glance.

ESPN, to its credit, has realized there’s much more to gain from a broadcast that features insight coupled with sarcasm, than with public relations spin that barely cracks the surface, or an old boy NFL star continuing to push the NFL’s product, no questions asked. In fairness to ESPN – in a space in which we rarely allow it – kudos to them. Instantly the broadcast has improved, and we’ll see if our man Tony K can succeed at this or not.

Now at least he has the chance.

Wish us luck, talk to you Monday.

That’s right, straight from the official first journalism internship of Mr. Faded Glory.

Local news … it’s FAN-tastic!

By now you’re used to mea culpas after failed predictions – but I sure felt smart last night at halftime of the Ohio State-Tennessee game. In fact, I still don’t really know what happened with the Vols – they weren’t content to hoist up threes in the first half, and that in turn opened up their perimeter game. In the second half, they just fired away – and OSU got right back in it. Mike Conley and Ron Lewis were superb, additionally. A fun game to watch.

I also was wrong about Southern Illinois – they were prepared, focused, and completely able to impose their tempo and style against Kansas. That was a great game, between two very good teams, and hopefully – you see this coming – the next coach of Iowa. I also was wrong about Tony Falker’s name, but, small steps. A missed layup and errant pass off an offensive rebound will haunt this Saluki squad, but by no means should they hang their heads in shame.

Pitt-UCLA was predictably boring. In fifty years, let’s just say there won’t be any textbooks devoted to the Ben Howland or Jamie Dixon lineage of coaching. I like defense, too – but not their sluggish styles. Ugh.

And that brings us back to A&M vs. Memphis – great game, also (are all four regional sites painting their floors the same way?), and you really feel for Acie “I Fought The” Law, missing a crunch-time lay-in. Ouch.

So we’re looking at regionals of 1 vs. 2, 1 vs. 2, 1 vs. 3, and 1 vs. 2 if seeding holds. Which, in itself, would be somewhat remarkable. I’m still feeling the Vandy upset, and hope tonight’s slate of games matches the quality of Thursday’s action.

To close, we’ll return to mammoth Steve Alford coverage. Even in departure, Alford can’t admit any mistakes, refuses to acknowledge anything other than his narrow viewpoint, and whimpers away from Iowa City not as a complete failure, but certainly with no shred of class – of course, this is no surprise to any of us. Most striking to me, as Steve-O departs for a blip on college basketball’s radar, is this:

Players trickled out of the locker room until about 6 p.m., many declining comment. Junior Seth Gorney suggested that part of Alford’s motivation had little to do with the lure of New Mexico’s mountain vistas or the quality of his contract.

“He wanted to get his family out of this negative environment,” Gorney said. “He said it’s better off for his family. I guess around here he was getting slandered, and out there they are big-time with basketball. Whereas here it’s football with some basketball. He’s going to a school where basketball is the main sport.”

Ouch. Here’s my problem (besides the fact that Alford is just common-sense-retarded enough to think he’s being slandered, and his center is moronic enough to repeat it; or also the fact that Gorney is almost certainly one of Andy Katz‘ sources – this notion showed up almost verbatim in yesterday’s story). Here’s the problem – when Steve arrived at Iowa, the football team was 1-8, mired in change, and nearly all of Hawkeye Nation was infuriated that the athletic department missed the boat on hiring Kirk Ferentz over alumnus Bob Stoops.

Alford had Hawkeye Nation for the taking. He had a solid class recruited by Tom Davis, and he overcoached them into a Big Ten title. He had a passionate fan base waiting to pledge allegiance to him. He responded by treating fans, the media, and even University and state colleagues with utter contempt.

And now, he cites Hawkeye football’s success as his main reason for failure. Steve, wake up. This is the reason Hawk fans treat Kirk Ferentz as a god, but your unaccountable ass as a cheat, a failure, a hypocrite, or whatever. Now, Alford may not be any of those things to a T -

But he is forgettable. Good riddance.

Side note: I know we’re having some good times here, and readership and clicks are actually up considerably since the redesign and domain change. However, MFG is (physically) moving into a new abode next week, and also is (again, physically) attending a three-day conference away from computer. Might be sparse for a minimum of seven days, but we’ll try to wrap some loose ends up Sunday night. So you know.

First of all, our head is spinning here at Mister Faded Glory, with pounds upon pounds of rumorific news turned fact today!

And, to be frank, we were going to preview the tournament with a sort of “power rankings” – akin to what Bill Simmons did last week. However, after seeing the vitriolic reaction to Gene Wojekceicjekcljejski’s “re-seed” column this week, we decided to pass. Ouch! Granted, MFG is simply a mouthy blogger, but even I can’t phone in a post as dramatic as Gene’s latest rubbish. (ESPN Conversation was actually somewhat blissful – it was cathartic to read viewers from all over trash Gene W – he’s like your neighbor’s lame dad, who shows up at barbecues with a headband and a Hypercolor T-shirt and promises to buy the high school kids beer, then jokingly hands over root beer. That’s the tiresome, goofy Gene.)

But, regardless of our failed game previews, it’s a red-letter day! MFG is practically prophetic (!) – ESPN’s Andy Katz went live this morning with the scoop that Steve Alford is bolting Iowa for New Mexico. He’s gone! And say what you will about Alford (underrated game coach, clueless public persona), it’s at the very least a clean slate for the Hawkeyes – all set in motion by our cockamamie post earlier in the week. (Pats self on back.)

Then, later in the afternoon, perhaps catching “Out of the Frying Pan Fever”, Kentucky coach Tubby Smith bolted for Minnesota! The Goofers! Wow! I didn’t even know they were missing a coach. Let the dominoes fall. Also, we now have proof that Kentucky Nation is insane. They were in the Elite Eight two years ago. Good luck to whomever gets this job…

And, from the stuff-we-absolutely-have-to-mention department:

• Early this morning The Genius was ticketed for drunk driving. Nice work, Tony. Though we suspect it happened just as a cover for whatever weird stuff Jim Edmonds was pulling (nice pun, I know) in the back seat.
• Also, Duke’s Josh McRoberts is turning pro. (!!!!) I’m stepping away from the keyboard – this just writes itself.

Finally, the inimitable The Big Lead has been all over the OJ Mayo/Tim Floyd recruiting saga and current Mayo backlash, and MJD discussed Michael Beasley’s laundry list of foibles last month.

Now, I’m not going to eviscerate a couple of 18-year-old kids – not when I, myself, told my jackassed high-school coach to “fuck off” in the last edition of my school newspaper – but I’m also not giving Mayo and Beasley, or their entourages, a free pass either. Both Greg Oden and Kevin Durant will be gone after this season completes – and let’s try and remember how decent these two kids were before we paint all high school ballers a certain color depending on how batshit insane Mayo and Beasley turn out to be. Cue the nervous swallows from Tim Floyd and Bob Huggins – both of whom have never met a kid they wouldn’t try and fix. They’ll have their work cut out next season.

On to our Sweet Sixteen forecast. Read more

That’s right, you heard it here first, in a baseless rumor plastered on Mr. Faded Glory-dot-com two days ago, we surmised that Iowa coach Steve Alford was almost certainly a dead man walking. We had no evidence, no smoking guns, nary any smoke, just a hunch. Now, however, it may actually come to pass.

Behold, the power of our site. We’ve also learned through chatter back in our home state that Alford has (a) met with players and told them he is not returning, and (b) has been shown the door by athletic director Gary Barta, and (c) punched Tom Vilsack in the face. I don’t consider any of these credible, however, one is hearsay from a former Hawkeye Nation editor’s radio show, another comes from baseless message board reports, and the third I simply made up.

Still, it’s apparent the story has legs – we had half a mind to put on our dialing hat and reach out to some of our former sources on the University of Iowa beat, till we realized we’re way too old and don’t know anyone anymore. So we’ll wait. Sometimes, truly, where there is smoke, there is fire. Might Alford stay? Yeah, sure, but he’s not an awful coach. Maybe he realizes more than anyone that he needs a fresh start.

Anyway, the updated wish list for Hawkeye coach:

1. Chris Lowery
2. Chris Lowery
3. Chris Lowery
4. Mark Turgeon
5. Steve Lavin
6. John Calipari
7. John Beilein
8. Travis Ford
9. Tony Bennett
10. Ralph Willard (!)

Currently I’m watching the Tigers toss up prayer after prayer, but they’re all going in. Clemson must be shooting nearly 90 percent, they’re flying by Cuse players (hampered by horrific jerseys), and everything’s going in, even 30-foot hand-in-face jumpers. And thus ends the Syracuse NIT experiment.

Cue a chorus of pompous national columnists whining, “Well, if they belonged in the NCAA tournament, they woulda won.” Yeah, makes perfect sense, jackasses. They’re on the road, they’re unlucky, and they’re not motivated. But you’re right, this totally de-legitimitizes an entire season. Stupid tournament(s).

UPDATE: Okay, so, they came back and nearly won, in an ugly game that by all accounts, they should have lost. As enigmatic as the career arc of Demetris Nichols, Terrence Roberts, and Darryl Watkins was – still been a fairly fun four years. All the best.

So, as mentioned, we’re off our disgustipated tournament pool. Well, actually, I lied.

For whatever reason, I cannot let this go. I cannot fathom my hideous performance in this year’s tournament. Look at this! It’s awful! (I’m 960 – tied with Sam Smith but ahead of fellow Louisville fan Tony K.)

Meanwhile, I’ve got friends who sport a 41-7 record, a wife kicking my ass with seven out of eight regional final teams still alive, pompous attorneys laughing me out of town, waving KU J.D.s in my face, colleagues confidently excoriating Texas, and a battered sense of self-esteem. There’s always a measure of kicking oneself with any prognostication – and my feet smack my chops with each passing hour.

I know, I know, we all saw it coming. How could I pontificate for days on end that each conference was more top-heavy than any year in the past – yet depart so viciously from that belief and incorrectly foretell almost every upset that didn’t happen? How – in all honesty, how – could I boil my entire tournament predictions down to one monumental game (at Gus Johnson’s final 2007 tourney stop (Thanks, Bill), no less) – Louisville vs. Texas A&M – that killed me, stone cold dead, at 4 p.m. on Saturday?

Well, luckily, I have your answer.

Read more

This is kind of amusing, and I’m sure Iowa isn’t one of a kind (via Deadspin). Although – am I missing something from far away? Isn’t Kirk Ferentz – even after a disappointing season – still somewhat of a god in Iowa? Seriously, he’s one of the few famous people MFG has ever talked to at length, and we were impressed. Why would the UI feel a pressing need to blot out bad press before there was any reason?

Oh. Never mind. (Deadspin already mentioned, by the way. Call this a pilfered punch line if you want.)

But, since no one asked – here are five reasons why Steve Alford is due to be the next coach at Kentucky – you know, since no one is asking for Tubby’s head there, either.

1. He is from similarly basketball-crazed Indiana.

2. Alford does not let home-state talent escape to rival schools (Ahem, Chris Lofton). He lets it escape to Creighton (Ahem, the Korvers, the Woodleys).

3.  He would enjoy the chance to stick it to Kelvin Sampson for taking his job – on national TV, in a game no one is ever interested in watching.

4. The hair is amazing.

5. Alford is purportedly such a god boy that he’s run off recruits because of Christianity. (I wish I had a link, but this was 2002-2003 Iowa City word of mouth. Honest.) That should play well in Kentucky, home of several dry counties. (Seriously, I interviewed for a job in Elizabethtown. No alcohol. Needless to say, I declined the opportunity.)

Let it be known – Steve Alford is a candidate for the University of Kentucky head coaching job! You heard it here first. He’s gone! Really!

Sigh. Okay. Back to pining for Chris Lowery, Tubby Smith, or Mark Turgeon. Pretty sure it’s hopeless.

Are there dog days of spring? I guess I should be thankful that there are actual, competitive sports in the air – but besides that, I’m not much of a March fan. It’s cold as the tundra in the morning, stale and warm in the afternoon, and it’s impossible to correctly regulate the temperature in home or office without prompting a hot flash or inciting allergies. It’s wet, muddy, boring, and long – and if you don’t have spring break, it’s nearly the only month out of the year with no vacation days built in. (April is another – unfortunately, it’s after March, so during the Ides you’re not comforted by an impending month with Memorial Day.)

For me, during the last four years, March has also been my most hectic – sometimes because of Easter, sometimes because of cattle sales (MFG is actually killing two birds with one stone this year – the in-laws’ cattle sale and Easter fall on the same weekend. Score!) and all the times because it marks my yearly sojourns to bank markets throughout the Great Beyond of Kansas – unpredictable weather swings, allergy attacks, and all. It’s March, it’s madness, and mine is coupled by the impending move of Mr. Faded Glory, and all the bells and whistles that go along with the descent into homeownership.

I bring this up not simply to complain (Well, sort of simply to complain) but because for the first time in a long time, I’m really not excited about baseball. Or even, the tournament. Sure, the NCAA opening weekend was fun – but not that fun. Even the second round, normally jam-packed with big games, was kind of a snooze. I’m not going to excoriate the tournament itself simply for its lack of upsets – this happens every so often, and no columnists would be writing about it if it weren’t for George Mason’s run last year. But, you know, I’m just kind of done with it. Syracuse is even still playing – a quest to shame the committee – and I’m only mildly excited.

But that brings us to the Cubs. Where are we with Chicago? The blogging community laments Mark Prior and MFG doesn’t have the energy. Sweet Lou mouths off nearly everyday, bemoaning some lack of hustle, and we couldn’t be bothered to care. The cool green hats emerge on Saturday, St. Patrick’s Day, and MFG barely notices. Daryle Ward shows up akin to a beached whale, and we don’t pause. I don’t yet have the energy for the Cubs — did the Colts’ win kill it? Am I just tired? Am I old? What’s wrong? I still subscribe to MLB Gameday. I’m still relevant! And cool, right?

It’s malaise. It’s frustrating, and maybe it’s got something to do with pouring all energy into either a move, the triviality and mundanity of everyday life, or slogging through a tough period at work. Rest assured, your Cubs preview is coming – and even though MFG is a little fatigued, we’re perhaps waiting with bated breath until Matt Murton’s reserve role is announced. At which point guns will be blazing, cannons will fire, and we will reign down upon all we survey, decrying the use of the Cubs’ best hitter as bench fodder.

You know, probably. Did this even make sense?

(Or, maybe, we’re just embarrassed and ticked that the bracket we publicized featured only eight correct entries out of the Sweet Sixteen. Ms. Faded Glory’s bracket features 10. Regardless, talk back soon.)

And we’ll leave it at that. I knew Texas had a propensity to avoid defense – but I don’t recall seeing them completely content to settle for contested threes on offense like today. They were overmanned, outcoached, and outplayed in all facets. Sounds like Mr. Faded Glory when deciding to avoid the chalk during this year’s tournament.

Don’t worry, we’ll start talking Cubs baseball soon.