Mister Faded Glory | www.misterfadedglory.com

Super Bowl Sunday is bad enough as the Wal-Mart of family holidays; the day is always interminable, with kickoff moving further and further into the distance as time grows closer. And, of course, with a vested interest in the game, it makes the hollow pursuits and abysmal TV of Super Bowl Sunday even worse. Absolutely dreadful.

Add to that, MFG isn’t even at home — nope! Because Super Bowl Sunday is some sort of idiotic holiday, this post arrives straight from the official in-laws of Mr. Faded Glory. Excuse me, you likely swallowed your Chee-to in horror. Now, I’m actually not as inflamed about the circumstance as you would believe. Sure, I would prefer to be in my living room watching the game, hopping around, pacing, with the Web and cell phone nearby.

But since this is a holiday – families and friends watch the game together, and Ms. Faded Glory certainly shouldn’t be deprived of that, just because of my fan myopia. Right? Truth be told, I’ve been resigned to these circumstances for quite some time. And honestly, I never had a chance. I might as well just ride it out — enjoy the game with a group. Right?

(crickets chirping)

Well, OK, I never said I was rational. Still, readers, if you know me, you’re either feeling complete empathy for my in-laws or you’re bemoaning the probable end of my marriage. Rest assured, I’m OK with the circumstances, and I’m much more grown up now than, say, in 1987, when I toppled over a bookcase after Keith Smart’s last-second jumper.

ANYWAY, since the day is dragging, MFG is proud to bring you odds on the last few prop bets before Super Bowl 41, you know, in case your gambling itch needs scratching.

• Mr. Faded Glory blurts profane epithet – 2 to 5 odds.
• Mr. Faded Glory punts a schnauzer – 4 to 1 odds.
• Mr. Faded Glory scares two small children – 10 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory rips out entire head of hair – 50 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory is lectured on ride home – 25 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory reluctantly enjoys fatty food and dip. – 3 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory is scoffed at for wearing a Bob Sanders jersey. – Even.
• Mr. Faded Glory is then forced to argue Bob Sanders‘ case, because he looks like a ‘thug.’ – 3 to 1.
• In-laws completely aghast at Prince – 3 to 4.
• Mr. and Ms. Faded Glory completely bored by Prince – 1 to 2.
• Mr. Faded Glory’s boss refers to Colts as ‘Baltimore’ on Monday morning – 3 to 2.
• Mr. Faded Glory is referred to marriage counseling. – 500 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory is referred to church counseling. – 750 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory’s divorce – 1000 to 1.
• Mr. Faded Glory responds to “It’s just a game” with “Well, your church is just a building.” – 1 billion to 1.

Have at it. Off to lay claim to a recliner in front of the TV. Insert iPod, and as a treat – here’s your special, pregame, Colts playlist:

• The Offspring, All I Want.
• A Perfect Circle, Pet
• Smashing Pumpkins, Hello Kitty Kat
• Pearl Jam, Romanza/Immortality
• Nine Inch Nails, Just Like You Imagined
• Metallica, The Call of the Ktulu (with orchestra)
• Coldplay, Don’t Panic
• Foo Fighters, All My Life
• Danny Elfman, Batman (theme)
• Journey, Don’t Stop Believin’
• John Lennon, Instant Karma
• Brass Bonanza (Hartford Whalers)
• Tool, Lateralus
• Finger Eleven, One Thing
• Pearl Jam, Long Road
• Helmet, Pure.
• Jane’s Addiction, True Nature