Wading through a cavalcade of cliched game storylines, hopeless opining over the hopelessness of manufactured public relations events, and decrying a sports spectacle simply to decry a sports spectacle — Simmons is, actually, a welcome respite.
Sure, he’s aggravating, he’s a homer, and he’s that dorky sports fan you wish hadn’t thrown the remote through your TV in college, but he’s totally in his element at media day. In fact, he’s totally in his element in the mind-numbing, McDonaldized sportstainment event of the year — either he’s having the time of his life or he’s completely aggravated by the sublime absurdity of the event. Regardless, no one is as adept at capturing the intricacies and je-ne-sais-quoi of a sports and pop culture intersection quite like Bill Simmons, and even though he’s a Patriots fan, it’s nice to read his missives from Miami.
And, in fact, in desperate debasement to Mr. Faded Glory, Simmons offers in his photo essay (I won’t repost his photo b/c of copyright):
The coolest guy at media day: Bob Sanders. I felt cooler just listening to him for 35 seconds. He needs his own talk show or something.
You know, it’s probably time to admit our endless crush on Bob Sanders. Sure, he’s the best safety in football. But the fact that he’s also the baddest man on the planet? Well, suffice it to say that Mr. Faded Glory either totally worships Demond, or MFG is totally infatuated with the idea that we, alone, spotted Bob Sanders’ greatness well before his rookie year.
Either way, this post is becoming uncomfortable. Time to go have sex with the wife, in a blatant attempt to preserve my heterosexuality.
UPDATE: Scratch that, apparently the full-length rerun of the Friends series finale is on basic cable for nearly the 700th time in three years. We’re back on hiatus!
