Mister Faded Glory | www.misterfadedglory.com

Today should have been campus day here in the Midwest. The mercury hit 84 on the thermostat, which made it increasingly hard to slave away, making rich people richer. Rather, I longed for the ancient small college custom of calling off classes on the first mild day of early spring — in which the do-gooders raked leaves for the college town while the rest of us, um, how do I put this, drank ourselves silly.

No such luck today, as Tuesday has become Take One For the Team Night (Lest you think I’m clever, no, I didn’t coin the phrase, all credit goes to Bill Simmons. Still, the phrase is prescient enough to incorporate. Much respect). Even though one of my favorite TV shows (a nouveau-classique? Non?) returned after a (snnnoorrrre) Olympics hiatus, I happily settled in for a long night of compromising TV shows. (By the way, do I need to cover the four-year sitcom window? Sitcoms have four-year primes. Period. Scrubs is, sadly, no different.) Anyway, the reality/take-your-medicine line-up was:

1. American Idol.
Yes, I watch this behemoth. Even though I’m secure in my sexual preference, I still wonder just how catty and snotty I’m allowed to be as I shamelessly critique the hokey contestants. Regardless, for some reason I watch (Well, it’s a good reason, but I really shouldn’t enjoy the show AT ALL.). It’s Star Search, it’s karaoke, it’s everything I detest about current TV yet I remain engrossed. Part of it is the uber-bitchy TVWOP recaps, part of it is Ms. Faded Glory lambasting contestant after contestant. (Although she’s a bit better than me. Example, for Kellie Pickler. Ms.: She’s really flat on some of those notes and can’t even get the lyrics right. Me: That bitch is fake!)

2. The Real World 867 Goes to Key West.
Each season or year or what the hell ever I promise myself we won’t get involved. Yet somehow we do, and feel older every single time. Want a wakeup call? Watch these 22-year old self-important, pretentious fools attempt to convey some sort of seriousness associated with their class trip, along with some false pride at how often/much they drink! Cool! No one else does that!
Then try and pretend you weren’t exactly the same way. Am I talking to myself here?

3. The Amazing Race.
Currently, we’re watching a couple that’s been married 40 years, and a dating couple about to kill one another attempt to chase something somewhere. This one I could do without.

You’re right, I seriously need The Office to come back. Don’t know what I’m doing with myself. And, this night comes on the heels of Monday’s onslaught of 24-The Apprentice-Gauntlet II. (Not all reality, but all garbage TV.) Is this what the prime of my adulthood is supposed to involve?

Don’t answer that.