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About the Super Bowl. Then I promise, not another peep about it from yours truly.

Nicknamed Super Bowl Extra Large — Ho ho! Get it? — Okay, that’s lame. Everyone and their dog-eared sports columnist is making that joke because of the NFL’s ridiculous attempt to convey some sort of magnitude to its premier game, nicknaming each Super Bowl with Roman numerals (I shudder each time I read an article or column that references a Super Bowl past as ‘Super Bowl XX‘ sted ‘the 1989 Super Bowl.‘ Godawful copy editing.).

Okay, that wasn’t the one quick thing. Bear with me, you know I’m long-winded.

Anyway, the predictable media frenzy has descended into Detroit for Super Bowl Medium. Stories about hometown boy Jerome Bettis, eternal cueball Matt Hasselbeck, and media whore Brett Favre are already abound.

But a sentiment is beginning to fester — and I first heard this on Kansas City’s 610 Sports — that this Super Bowl can’t possibly live up to any hype. There’s no sexy stories. Who cares about the Seahawks, blah blah blah blah BLAH blah blah (Seriously, Neal Jones thought a better matchup would be Kansas City vs. Dallas. Sports talk radio — FAN-tastic!).

And, predictably, this is the party line that eternal contrarian and erstwhile curmudgeon Skip “Squinting” Bayless, has embraced, who files a long missive today about the reprehensible pairing in the Super Bowl that doesn’t include Brady, Manning, Vick, Favre, etc., etc.

Why does the media fail to understand what the NFL so totally gets? It’s NOT the big story, the dynasty, or the overreported facts that fans crave. Fans want the game. That’s it. That’s the list. Unless it’s your chosen team, fans do not care who plays in the Super Bowl — only that the game sells itself. They are not looking to quantify history, to measure a QB against another, or to watch countless Super Bowl records fall each year. They watch in hopes of seeing a tight, hard-fought game. They watch for another reason — to gamble. Regardless, only one thing is measured — the game.

Most fans, to be sure, are actually thrilled that Manning, Vick, etc., aren’t in the Super Bowl, because of the NFL media’s tendency to (a) beat things to death, (b) anoint superstars with no real regard for actual play, or (c) cozy up to media hounds and repeat each others’ silly stories. Give Bayless credit, he’s not jumping on the Jerome Bettis farewell tour bandwagon — he’s simply picking up the most jaded notion out there. Which we all expected him to, anyway. He’s like a recluse aunt, a bitter spinster. Who considers him relevant?

The NFL sells parity. Your team can go from also-ran to powerhouse, from champ to chump, within a year. Nowhere is this better on display than its Super Bowl — lately featuring teams that may not have marquee players (Seriously, Brady didn’t become a media darling until last year.) but who have solid line play, solid defensive schemes, and role players maximizing their skills within a unit (New England, Philly, Tampa, Carolina, Baltimore, Tennessee). Utilitarian teams thrive. But, according to the NFL media, which scrambles during each week’s hype machine to unearth a bigger-than-life dynasty, star, or upset — a simple, good, competitive game can’t ever be enough to whet football fans’ appetite. They need context! Historical, human, emotional, sociological, corporate, ridiculous, who cares! Qualify it somehow!

That’s the shame. Here sits the NFL, king among American sports, with a relevant title game each and every season. Think about it — since 2000, only two Super Bowls have been absolute lemons. Baltimore’s win in 2001 (wow, was I drunk) and Tampa’s win in 2003.

Fans don’t judge the game before it happens. They watch it. They always do. Subtext, context, style, and prose don’t sell the Super Bowl. The game itself is sold. For sportswriters to rebel without a clue before the show starts — well, it’s indicative of the premium they place on their ability to recraft an irrelevant story everyone else has already heard. But don’t let them in on it. After all, we get the joke. And it’s on them. Trust us, the NFL is laughing all the way to the bank.