I know, I know, I shouldn’t do that. Some of my audience may think I’m writing about Phish. Or the Philadelphia Phillies. And, to top it off, it’s not phunny — but guess what? Je m’en fiche!
We’re set for the Heads Tourney Final Four — and it’s a good one. To start off we have the upstart battery-powered GUS JOHNSON vs. the immortal BILL RAFTERY.
And, well, while Gus has had an outstanding tourney run (“Takes a picture and hits the three!”) and even used his high-pitched tenor yell to add excitement to some moribund first-round games, and even breathed life into Len Elmore — he’s out here, Raff is just too tough.
If you saw any of the men’s NIT this week (and I did. Sex and the City was on last night, so I retreated into my bedroom while Ms. FG checked it out. Interestingly enough, a night graced by Sex and the City rarely means Sex in My City. But I digress.) Anyway, if you saw any of the men’s NIT this week — you got to catch Bill Raftery. Not sure if he even cared about the games, he’s using them as a foundation to bounce new material off of us! Though Takin’ it … to the tin and Onions! are classics, surely they can use more companions. Raff is in the finals (What are the odds he wins, and you picked it after the first seedings? Pretty good?)
We all know how Billy Packer rates, here, there, and everywhere. And I can see Billy moving onto the finals, past the excitable Kellogg. However, Special K has him neck-and-neck, down to the wire, because of this. I know, I think it’s as stupid as you do. However, Packer’s intentional abrasiveness to everyone but Duke and Tubby Smith and a select other few rubs even some players the wrong way. Sparks is an overrated POS, but what the hell is Billy doing, even acknowledging him, or slapping him five? If some jackass from Kentucky is pissed about you calling his failures, then rise above it. Be a damn professional. Anyway — can we get Gus in here to call the final minute?
“UNDER A MINUTE LEFT, AND BILLY JUST CHUNKED TWO FREE THROWS. SPECIAL K INTO THE FRONT COURT, HE DOESN’T APPEAR TO KNOW WHERE HE’S GOING, INSTEAD, HE’S STARING AT GREG GUMBEL, NOT AT US! PACKER STEALS IT! LOOKING BACK, HE QUICKLY TRIES TO TELL CLARK THAT SHELDEN WILLIAMS WILL BE THE NUMBER ONE PICK IN THE DRAFT! FUMING, CLARK RACES UPCOURT, AND SWATS PACKER’S SHOT!
I DON’T BELIEVE THIS, HE’S YELLING AT BILLY! SOMETHING ABOUT THE BIG TEN GETTING ITS DUE, BECAUSE IT’S IRRELEVANT TO BASE CONFERENCE REGULAR-SEASON SUCCESS ON THE TOURNEY, AND HE’S RIGHT! TIME RUNS OUT!
SPECIAL K WINS, OH MY GOSH! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! KELLOGG IS GOIN’ TO THE FINALS! LENNY, HELP ME OUT HERE.”
“Gus, a novel win. However, neither player was impressive. Clark couldn’t even play post. By the way, did you know Seth Davis used to be a comedian? Process that, my friend.”
Finals upcoming.
