Mister Faded Glory | www.misterfadedglory.com

Back from the doldrums of faux-holiday weekend. Was in a bit of a slump, true – and it’s weird how something unforeseen can bring you out of a current rut. However, I’m back at work again – so the rut could be forthcoming. Stay tuned.

In any case – the weekend’s Elite Eight games may have saved this tournament from obscure mediocrity in college basketball’s annals. In fact, it may have even elevated the tournament into rarified status. At any rate, the games were a lot of fun — even though I didn’t have a rooting interest in any of them. Hell, I’m even in a good enough mood to give Packer and Nantz a free pass simply for having to call that godawful Kentucky-Utah game on Friday night, in which I swear time stopped on four occasions. And, oh-by-the-way, Andrew Bogut is Bogus. I can’t wait till someone takes him with the second pick in the draft – remember Todd Fuller and/or Curtis Borchardt, anyone?

GAME THIRTEEN – Verne Lundquist (13) vs. (8) Gus Johnson

Lundquist was smooth as always over the weekend, his silky voice the perfect complement to our friend Bill Raftery. Raftery and Lundquist are like the two old guys in Secondhand Lions – just crusty enough to be amusing, and just amusing enough that you know they’re a step ahead of you. They work well together, and it was on display in Syracuse.

Side note: Lundquist hails from Lindsborg, Kan., a scant 30 miles from the official home of Mister Faded Glory. Another side note: Lindsborg is known as Little Sweden, right down to the décor of main street, names of avenues, nickname of Bethany College (Fighting Swedes), and home of the Stuge bar. (Pronounced Schtoo-GHEN.) This doesn’t win him any points here.

Gus was up to the challenge during Louisville’s rout of Washington and their comeback win over West Virginia. He even pronounced Louisville correctly – Lou-uh-ville, not looeyville, and was the even-keeled foil to Elmore during game action. He’s just a little witty, which is nice, offering tidbits like “He stops, takes a picture, then pops” when Garcia had a wide open three. And Gus’ hoarse mannish scream in order to accent game action is like a guilty pleasure. This matchup is close to the wire, and may even go to overtime but

OH MY DEAR, JOHNSON TAKES THE LEAD WITH A SECOND LEFT AFTER A THREE BY GARCIA! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, THIS IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT! HE’S KNOWN FOR CALLING UPSET GAMES AND TIGHT ACTION, AND NO EXCEPTION HERE, GUS IS INTO THE FINAL FOUR, AND THEY ARE PARTYING AT WEST 57TH TONIGHT!

GAME FOURTEEN – Bill Raftery (5) vs. Digger Phelps (4)

I’ll say this for Digger. His seemingly-19 straight years of hyping underachiever Channing Frye finally paid off on Thursday and Saturday, as the Arizona senior finally had two superb tournament efforts, looking like the ballyhooed player Digger continually champions. But Digger is going to fall here. And this is why.

The up-and-down North Carolina-Villanova-Wisconsin games were perfect for Raff, especially after he seemed genuinely disgusted with a sloppy Wisconsin/NC State tilt – he was able to use “Send it in, big fella!, Takin’ it – to the tin!” and others from his arsenal several times. The jovial Lundquist gently steered him back into analysis. Bill’s best moment came on Sunday, North Carolina seemingly pushed itself out of reach. I was watching the game amongst the official in-laws of Mr. Faded Glory, about 15 people were in the room, in celebration of Easter. Wisconsin hit a three, and piercing the silence, prompting quizzical stares, hidden smirks, or head-shaking, was Raff –

“Onions!”

And if you have to ask, you don’t know.

GAME FIFTEEN – Clark Kellogg (6) vs. Greg Gumbel (3)

Gumbel also deserves accolades for pronouncing Louisville correctly, but Clark wins. He seemed to be a little too excited when Michigan State beat Duke, properly defending the embattled Big Ten, while simultaneously reminding onlookers that conferences are thrown out during the tournament – but (correctly) simply because a conference has a few gimme wins during a season, doesn’t damn the strength of the teams at the top.

He was passionate about this – a likely reason is that his Big Ten beat cohost Smiling Seth’s alma mater, and he didn’t have to listen to Smartmouthed Seth talk about his favorite team anymore.

GAME SIXTEEN – Billy Packer (2) vs. Len Elmore (7)

Elmore didn’t do too bad. Of course, he wasn’t eviscerating Syracuse just because he hates them. Still, he doesn’t like anyone who doesn’t play post. And, predictably, he doesn’t like anyone who isn’t a good post. He actually works fairly seamlessly with Gus, even smiling on occasion. He is properly tough on players who make bad decisions, which is admirable, considering …

Packer couldn’t go 10 seconds without talking about how great Shelden Williams is. Now, Williams is okay, but he doesn’t deserve a trademark Packer orgasmic yell simply when he charges into the basket. Watching Billy call a Duke game is like listening to Monica Seles play tennis – he grunts, gasps, and moans, in time with close Duke plays, often even during man-on-man contact. Redick charges in, “Oh!”. Williams elbows someone. “Oh!” It’s maddening. And, now that I think about it, a little confusing.

Jim doesn’t help. Nantz feeds Billy’s wanton desire to research and espouse only upon Duke. Nantz no longer calls a game – he simply says “Look at Ewing grab that rebound!” and “Look at Redick, running through screens!” and “Look at Demarcus Nelson, throwing it away.” He’s always ‘Looking at’ something, which gives Billy the chance to jump in with a sunny pronouncement of Duke players’ greatness.

Packer even harmed his own credibility – like many announcers, he is never so profound that he can’t immediately reverse his positions when he is clearly wrong. When Shelden Williams hung on the rim and ejected his own dunk from the basket, Billy maintained it should count, because a ball only has to go through the hoop to be a score. Uh, not so, Billy. But he was just “clarifying for the audience,” prompted (again) by Jim. Still, the officials got it right, according to Billy.

You could almost feel Packer and Nantz turn on the Dukies toward the end – they clearly expected Duke to win, and talked about the Devils like they were jilted lovers as Michigan State wound down the clock. I do empathize with Jim and Billy a little – they did have to suffer through that Kentucky/Utah borefest that made paint drying look riveting.

Note: That was also the game in which Billy pronounced, “Utah sure isn’t counting on Andrew Bogut to be the whole show.” Wrong again, Billy. That’s precisely what they were doing. It’s precisely what they had done all year. And precisely why they lost.

Still, it’s much easier to stomach Packer’s Duke-pimping when the Devils actually lose. Like a B-movie villain, or a Blue Devil, he moves on, although if he proposes to Roy Williams this weekend – he’s in trouble in the Final Four of the heads tournament.

OUR FINAL FOUR:
And it’s a doozy –

(8) Johnson vs. (5) Raftery
(6) Kellogg vs. (2) Packer.

And it’s on. Results later in the week.