Mister Faded Glory | misterfadedglory.com

If you’re one of the three or four regular (or irregular) readers of Mister-Faded-Glory, then no doubt by now you’ve noticed some changes. Wish I could say I understood them all, but, for now, I’m learning a little bit more as I go about blogging/web design/etc./etc. So bear with me, in time (hopefully before 2020) I’ll have a crisp, clean, blog … hopefully to supplement the mounds and mounds of garbage I spew from the keyboard.

With that, I’ll sign off — it’s been a busy week and March promises to be even busier. Keep it real. Yuck. Did I say that?

Oh, by the way, they caught BTK in Wichita. If you caught the press conference, (which I’m sure you didn’t), then you also saw Wichita, FBI, and Kansas officials pat themselves on the back for doing their job, and finally apprehending a suspect in the notorious BTK serial killer case. Kudos, I suppose, but a giant self-congratulatory session feels out of place, after so many families have suffered. A tough job, yes, a daunting task, yes, danger abound, yes. But I think it trivializes the whole process to glorify the investigators working the case — because, of course, it was, ahem, their job. Better to simply state the arrest, and leave it at that. Maybe the families of victims have some sort of closure now, but, personally, I don’t think that would ever ease my mind, or erase my pain. And, in addition, seeing public officials glad-hand each other, well, that might churn my stomach a little as well. But that’s me.

Regardless, Kansas sleeps safer tonight … Now, if only they could remove that pesky “evolution” stuff from all universities, schools, libraries, etc…

(if you’ve noticed a running joke, congrats.)

Well, guess what, I’m back (and I’m ringing the bell, rocking the mic while all the fly girls yell) from an extended visit to the homeland. Tough circumstances, but even though I’ve returned with an ongoing heavy heart, I feel better – I’m sleeping better, have more energy, the dark circles under my eyes are gone. There must be something in my coffee.

Anyway, though blogs have unearthed many a scandal, and have possibly begun to infiltrate the mainstream media, perhaps — someday — forcing source accountability and the like – I remain firmly committed to spouting off at length about virtually nothing of any importance. Triviality is my domain.

Well, thanks.
“I’m going to Wichita! To learn-how-to-catch-a-terrorist.”
When composing a list of places you ultimately want to stay away from, no doubt you will now want to include Wichita, a serious contender for Capital of the Red States. No, it’s not Omaha, Dallas, Birmingham, or some outpost in Montana, it’s right here, in central Kansas. And this is why.
Three questions –
1. Where was this class nearly four years ago, when everyone was afraid, purchasing gas masks, and fearing the terrorist-induced explosion of their nearby JC Penney’s?
2. Is there any possible way to paint Midwesterners as more backwoods, egocentric, less worldly, naïve, and ridiculously out-of-touch? I’m embarrassed. Continually. First, it’s the inability of a certain stubborn hick state (Hint: Starts with a K and doesn’t produce bourbon…) to reconcile creationism and/or science. Now we’re learning how to indict our neighbors as mad bombers before we even meet them. Stupendous.
3. So we’ve got an untimely, unconstitutional class on terror spotting. Where can I find a seminar on how-to-extinguish my burning flag?

The end of civilization, chapter 1
Last night my wife eagerly turned on Problem Child. And watched it. Extolling the kid’s humor. Laughing. I recoiled in horror.

The end of civilization, chapter 2
After reporting this, I am now facing imminent death at the hands of the Problem-Child-watcher.

My friends the Dems
I guess Howard Dean is the chair. Which has the GOP in a predictable uproar, (well, why not) because Democrats still exist. And some moderate Democrats are in an uproar, afraid of the loose-cannon (Yeeeargh!) Dean.
Still, I think this move is a good one, though I’m not particularly certain how relevant a party chair is. Even so, the Dems were never going to survive or thrive while continuing to nominate boring, middle-of-the-road candidates, who hide from any liberal tendencies rather than embrace them. I’m on record at other sites discussing that fact.
The GOP moved further and further to the right when Clinton was in power – Democrats, in my opinion, will be strengthened if the party erects a platform further to the left. The moderate, politically correct, tiptoeing world of politics is already unsatisfying. Maybe another shift will help. (How could it get any worse? Wait, don’t answer that.)

Email of the millennium (for now)
Today I received a forward asking me to describe my personal traits through song titles by one particular band. Needless to say, this is right in my wheelhouse. They’re right here.

Choose a band and answer only in song titles by that band: Pearl Jam

Are you male or female? Man of the Hour

Describe yourself: Dissident

How do some people feel about you? Indifference

How do you feel about yourself? I Got Shit

Describe your ex (from junior year of college): Satan’s Bed

Describe your current partner: Hard to Imagine

Describe what you want to be: Immortality

Describe your current mood: Not For You

Describe your friends: All Those Yesterdays

Share a few words of wisdom: Nothing As It Seems

Mission accomplished — voting occurred in Iraq. For who? For what? Who cares, we did it! Um, right? …..

“United States officials were surprised and heartened today at the size of
turnout in South Vietnam’s presidential election despite a Vietcong
terrorist campaign to disrupt the voting. According to reports from
Saigon, 83 percent of the 5.85 million registered voters cast their
ballots yesterday. Many of them risked reprisals threatened by the
Vietcong. A successful election has long been seen as the keystone in
President Johnson’s policy of encouraging the growth of constitutional
processes in South Vietnam.”

- Peter Grose, in a page 2 New York Times article titled, ‘U.S.Encouraged
by Vietnam Vote,’ September 4, 1967.

And the Chicago newspapers predictably come around and toe the company line (“Boy, Sammy sure was mean in the clubhouse! He was just a distraction! They’re a better team now!”), bewildered Cubs fans are forced to sift through the dust, and view their team as it takes the field next season. And, rightfully – depressingly – shake their heads.

The truth is, Sammy Sosa and Moises Alou were nearly-middle-age power hitters who slugged well enough to put up respectable statistics, but no longer did enough little things to afford their team a win. Nary a Cubs fan alive in 2004 would have been heartbroken to see both exit stage left.

However, the confidence and skill Jim Hendry exhibited through 2003 and 2004 seemingly disappeared this offseason, as the organization made brutal misstep after misstep (almost echoing – shudder – Jay Mariotti columns), culminating with the extreme downgrade from Sosa to one of the most underwhelming out machines of all time – (King) Jeromy (the Wicked) Burnitz.

So, let’s recap, scratch our heads, and hope that 2005 is a repeat of 2003 – a season upon which the Cubs embarked with skeptical ambitions at best – yet due to sterling performances by the pitching staff and a run-manufacturing offense, led to a division title.

Sammy Sosa had a subpar season for the Cubs, not only flailing at the ball in clutch situations, but missing too much time, showing off further ineptitude in the field, and generally becoming a shadow of his former self. That said, his stats weren’t bad. They just weren’t vintage Sammy.

So what does the Trib do? Well, they want to unload Sosa. So, of course, they launch a political campaign against Sammy – writer after writer campaigning that Sosa’s attitude, boom box, and (steroid use) questions didn’t belong in a winning clubhouse.

Now, if I were trying to trade a slice of cheese pizza at school lunch for an extra malt dessert, would I complain to anybody who would listen that my cheese pizza was awful, and had a bad attitude? If I were trying to sell a bank account to a customer, would I complain about my job, my life, and the account itself?

Well, the Cubs decided that before unloading Sosa to the highest bidder, they would downgrade his value to the point that no one wanted his egotistical antics on their team. The Mets passed, the Royals passed, the Yankees passed, the Marlins passed, the Rockies passed, they all passed. When the Cubs finally had a chance to swing a deal with the Orioles or Nationals, they chose the Orioles with the presupposition that they could spin some prospects back to the Devil Rays for Aubrey Huff.

Now, the D-Rays aren’t ridiculously stupid, and for some reason, didn’t trade Aubrey Huff to the Cubs for some monstrosity like Mike Fontenot, David Crouthers, Sergio Mitre, or Kyle Farnsworth – they insisted on a major-league-ready player, such as, oh, Carlos Zambrano. Knowing the Cubs were backed into a corner, and that they had Huff’s production – not Chicago – they stood firm. And well they might have.

So, in a panic-stricken move, the Cubs signed Burnitz. He who has never had a productive season for a winning team. He who has never hit outside of Milwaukee and Denver. He who strikes out more than Sosa. He who is the same age as Sosa. Eek. For five million dollars.

The Cubs denigrated their franchise player, shipped him off for nothing, were played like a harp by the worst team in the league, and signed a player that costs too much money and made the team worse then had they kept Sosa at all.

Had the Cubs let the trade be, maybe shipping Sosa out would have been a good move. As it is, they downgraded severely, perhaps crippling their chances for the year.

Not a good week or so, for Cubs fans. Of course, reading all papers in the Chicago area, you wouldn’t know it. Burnitz says he’s likely to produce?! Well, great job, Cubs!

And, overall, it’s been a less-than-stellar offseason. Signing Nomar, Walker, Ramirez, Zambrano, Patterson, Barrett were all good moves. Signing Macias, Neifi(!) Perez, and Burnitz were not. Add to that, Kyle Farnsworth continues to be a Cub, and the closer situation is not settled.

Add to that, the two supposed offensive jewels of the Cubs’ farm system – Jason DuBois and David Kelton – may not even break camp with the Cubs.

Kelton could likely be shipped to Arizona as a PTBN for Stephen Randolph (I know, who?!) and DuBois may be relegated to Iowa – again –as Jerry Hairston, Jose Macias, Neifi Perez, and Dave Hansen take up space on the Cubs bench.

Now, I remain cautiously optimistic as a Cubs fan. The starting pitching is dominant, and the infield is solid and potent. Though enigmatic, I expect good things from Corey Patterson, and I would expect the same from Jason DuBois – would he get the chance. Still, if the worst does happen, all Cubs fans will pinpoint the Sosa trade, and management’s inability or disavowment to upgrade with a high-salary player, such as Carlos Beltran or Magglio Ordonez.

And, when the Cubs are again trying to eke out a run to avoid losing 2-1 in an eight-inning stellar performance by Kerry Wood, I don’t want to be able to say I told you so.

But I did.