Mister Faded Glory | www.misterfadedglory.com

I think I’d be just about the last to weigh in on Sammy Sosa’s imminent departure from my beloved Cubs, but I would be remiss if I chose to remain silent on the mother of all bizarre trades, emanating from Clark and Addison.

I’m not going to bother posting a glowing sonnet about how Sosa saved baseball in the summer of 1998 (he didn’t), and I’m not going to waste time ripping on Sosa’s egocentric me-first behavior, that grated on many Cub fans, who, apparently want to continue to lose “the right way.”

Sosa was the greatest Cub player of all time, with no one even a close second. He willed a 1998 team into the playoffs with virtually zero support and almost did it again in 2001, with a better season and even less of a supporting cast (Remember cleanup hitter Ron Coomer?). He was an egomaniac, thriving on meaningless homers in 10-2 routs, never improving shoddy defense, continually asserting his superiority over the media and Cubs officials. Yet when called upon in 2003 to contribute in the Cubs playoff run – did so above and beyond any other offensive regular.

For the Cubs to punish him on the way out the door with a negative public-relations blitz and catfight-stirring stories published daily in the city’s two rags – well, let’s just say he deserved better.

It was time to move on, Sosa is 36 (likely 38) and is on the downside of his career. The Cubs are reinventing their lineup, with more youth, speed, OBP (well, I can dream), and less power, and Sosa’s penchant for striking out with men on was hindering the team’s development as well as current aspirations. Built around starting pitching, the Cubs hope to contend yearly in the future.

Sure, if you buy all that, it sounds nice. But it also seems fishy. If Sosa was surely a goner (traded for nothing), then why was there no extenuated push for Carlos Beltran? Why wasn’t Chicago fave Magglio Ordonez inked before the Tigers threw sacks of money at him? Why are sportswriters in Chicago continuing to spout off about an impending Jeromy Burnitz signing? An Aubrey Huff trade that may not occur till June?

I’ll stop short of saying the petulant Sosa deserved better, but from a community that lionized one egomaniacal, fanatic, translucent, two-sided, harsh character – the Sosa backlash is hard to reconcile. I guess, ultimately, winning championships does matter the most. Though all we hear from Chicago and national sportswriters is the opposite. Sosa was dumped for character. He was disgruntled. They needed a divorce.

From a Cubs perspective, it’s unbelievable to understand why they would continue to smear Sosa, devaluing his trade appeal and diminishing their chances for any inequal returns. Now, they’re paying him 12.5 million to play for Baltimore, which doesn’t necessarily help their own team at all. It may not hurt, and it may not be the right move — but it couldn’t have been handled more clumsily.

And for the playing Cubs? I don’t mind a starting outfield with Todd Hollandsworth and Jason Dubois surrounding Corey Patterson. I don’t mind a closer selected from Michael Wuertz, Jon Leicester, Angel Guzman and Ryan Dempster. I do mind that the organization seems to continually tighten their purse, and make shortsighted move after shortsighted move, never interdependent of each other. The team has made some good moves this offseason – but if Sosa was destined to go, why not sign Ordonez early? Why not keep Clement? Why, in the world, would the forgettable Burnitz enter any conversation?

Keep the faith, Cubs fans. Remember the greatest Cub ever – but also enjoy the new guard of Corey, Kerry, Z, Prior, Nomaah, Lee and Aramis. Maybe Dubois and Kelton can join them – we’ll see.

The beginning and/or end of civilization department.
Expect college graduation rates to dip to the low end of the spectrum with the launch of this. An intermittently great idea and horrible initiative, it’s best summarized:

“Until now, beer guzzling was a self-regulating activity. Sure, drinking too much made you do stupid things. But drinking too much also tended to make you fall asleep before you got into trouble. Passing out is nature’s way of saying you drank too much, and it has saved many a beer drinker from acute embarrassment. But with caffeine keeping beer drinkers cranked up, there’s no end to the fun. Which could get ugly.”

…

A Moonshot exec agrees. “If you tend to do stupid things, you probably shouldn’t drink it,” she says. “It’s not for stupid people.”

Wait, I’ve almost got it. So, beer laced with caffeine is not for stupid people. Hope that’s on the label.

Sideways
I recently crumpled up the five-year-old already-written ending to the novel I’ve been envisioning since my graduation from college, since it would have been remembered as a total ripoff of this movie. Not sure if I’m bitter or satisfied about that.
A great film, and Thomas Haden Church almost – almost – succeeds in forever stripping himself of the “Lowell from Wings” label. Still, his remark as the pair chases after his lost wallet was pure Lowell: (exasperated) “Do I have to do everything?”
For those of you who resist remembering Lowell from Wings, well, you’re better people than I. And you apparently didn’t watch the USA Network from 1989 through 2002.