End of the week board.
Been kind of sluggish around here lately, what with the approaching holiday and obligatory trip to the homeland. Anyway, there’s still stuff going on, namely cheap shots. Here’s my random thoughts, a combination board/bored – and you, dear reader, are entrusted to figure out which is which.
1. Monday Night Football. Why are we talking about this? Why does this story appear to have legs still? On Friday! And how pretentious and ridiculous and hypocritical can the complainers (the NFL, families, concerned watchdog citizens) insist on being?
Right, a faux-locker-room scene with Nicolette Sheridan flirtatiously baring all to uber-annoyance Terrell Owens is the death of civilization.
I’m sure it ruined families who sat down to watch football interspersed with this or this. Give me a break. Besides, if you’re 18 to 49, aren’t you desensitized to this stuff? Don’t we watch Dennis Franz’ ass on the same network each week?
2. Mergers. In today’s America, consolidation is king. But what if two low-end retailers combined all their products and no one cared? Next up, Piggly Wiggly and Big Lots – come on, it’s time to expand! (Attention, shoppers, we have a Blue Light Special on Craftsman tools, featuring Bob Vila!)
3. College Football and the BCS and the Big 12. I hate to rehash this year after year, but here goes: (1) No ranking system can ever be perfect if human polls – which factor in preseason rankings – are accounted. Think about it – Oklahoma and USC get a free pass to the top, while everyone else has to work, based on their much-lower preseason prediction.
Add to that, (2) the Big 12 is a perenially, heinously overrated conference, a step above only the Big East. Still, some coaches in this country still feel like they are being slighted, even given a free ranking pass, and with a QB about to win his second undeserved Heisman at age 29. It’s just garbage. But, hey, at least the myopic Big 12’s championship city is counting on an influx of Hawkeye fans if rival Iowa State is in Kansas City’s big game – seriously, who is this guy kidding? (scroll down)
4. Novels. My new year’s resolution of 2004 is quickly turning into my follow-up resolution of 2005. But don’t worry, Vapid, The Stardog Champion, These Monks, or as-of-yet-untitled is off and running again. Practically writing itself, when inane list-happy posts aren’t being slapped on a web site.
5. Dinosaurs. Not going to say why I know this is absolutely one of the coolest toys ever, but I do. And it’s cuddly to sleep with. Wait, not true. Or is it….?
6. Maynard James Keenan. I’m ambivalent on this. Nestled in a red state, I normally hear nothing about my favorite talent’s CD releases, and this caught me off guard. It’s all covers. We’ll proceed with caution here. Also, I just heard Nirvana’s box set is finally out, after umpteen years of litigation with Ms. Love! Why wasn’t I aware of this! How can this be! I’m getting old! Exclamation points are annoying!
7. National Treasure. I’m guessing this is the title of the movie, and not the popular classification of said celluloid.
Am I the only one who smelled something fishy when Nic Cage’s character says “I think there’s a treasure map on the Declaration of Independence” and the movie’s tagline says “A Mystery 2000 years old…” ? Come on, people. The Dec of Ind is only 200 years old! Did they add an extra ’0?’
Well, I’ve done some reading, and apparently the mystery is actually descended from millennia past, passed down by the Knights Templar all the way to their descendant, Cage’s character Benjamin Franklin Gates … oh, who cares? Note: it’s a Disney flick. So where the hell is a naked Nicolette Sheridan?
8. Orange Crush. It begins…..
Out for the week.
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