Mister Faded Glory | misterfadedglory.com

Okay, so you’re sick of Chris Berman’s home run calls. Check. You’re sick of haphazard reports from the New York Post and Daily News assuming Randy Johnson, Bret Boone, Roger Clemens, Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez and Pete Rose are all on their way back to the Yankees. Check. You’re sick of all the baseball columnists’ incessant name-dropping columns over the break. Check. And, mostly, you’re sick to death of midseason revised prediction columns, replete with forecasts for MVP, Cy, and rookie trophies. Check.

I’m sick of that, too. Baseball is easily the sport which lends itself most seamlessly to the written word, however, it also is plagued with deluges of run-on sentences from Peter Gammons (Yep, you’re a good reporter. But, come on, who don’t you like?), stats on stats from the folks at BP, and outlandish rants on paper and around the horn about predictions gone awry. (Ryan. Lebatard. I don’t even know where to begin with you two.) But guess what, it’s an easy column device, and one I’m unleashing for the return of MFG. That’s this site. Yep, I know, you never knew we left.

Anyway, I never quite got my pre-season predictions off the ground. As is custom for the NFL, I wait approximately one-eighth of the season before offering my take. I didn’t do that this time, either. (Whew! I can’t cross “Toronto Blue Jays” off my notepad fast enough. Uniform karma. ) So, at long last, in true midseason form, here are my predictions.

AL East
Okay, the smart money says to go with the Yankees. They’ve been absolutely unbelievable since their early-season struggles, they score boatloads of runs to make up for mediocre pitching, and – if writers are to be believed – they’re about to add a frontline starter and a second baseman. (With what? Who could they possibly trade?) So, in an effort to be difficult, I’m picking the Red Sox.
Despite all mathematical columns that say the Red Sox need to play .785 to best the Yankees’ .640 winning percentage or whatever, I’m picking them. If it was so tough to overcome a team at the break just because of math, then the Royals would have been a playoff team last season. Tom Verducci writes a column like this every single season, between breaking phony half-stories. The Cubs in 2001. The Phillies in 2001. The Mariners in 2002. That just ain’t the way it works. The Sox still play the Yanks a bunch of times, they’re still much more likely to add pieces they need, and their free-agents-to-be ain’t goin’ out like that. Plus, utter contempt and disdain for the Yankees clouds my forecast. At least I mention it to you, dear reader. Think Gammons doesn’t feel this way? However, regardless of the AL East finish, both will be in the postseason.

AL Central
I stopped short of calling the Yanks and BoSox the best teams in the AL only because I have a feeling about the White Sox. The right energy, with Ozzie Guillen. The right division. The right slugging lineup, to beat up either Eastern team. The workhorse pitching staff of Loaiza, Buerhle, and the Rock – with an adequate bullpen. They struggled a little close to the break, but they should turn it around and hold off the Twins.

AL West
I’m resisting the urge to predict the Rangers to either nab the wild card or the division title. A great bunch of young talent, and a fun team to watch, but I can’t imagine any of their pitchers getting batters out as the season winds down. The Angels aren’t whole yet, but they’re my pick. Loads of young and old talent, and can’t argue with their bullpen. One of the game’s best. Once again, the Athletics are proving that Moneyball baseball works – in the regular season only. Walks are good, yep. Batting average is overrated, yep. But clutch hitting? It isn’t a phantom stat, folks, it does exist. You can’t immerse yourself in stats and simply pretend it isn’t there, because the numbers don’t necessarily parallel. But you can try, I suppose. Good luck with that.

NL East
Why isn’t anyone crowing about the demise of the Florida Marlins? Jack McKeon isn’t the world’s funniest, most jovial, most likable old son of a bitch anymore, is he? Welcome back to earth, kids. I think the Phillies walk away with this one. Thome, Burrell, and Abreu are pretty tough. If Rollins can consistently get on, and Lieberthal begins to hit again, we’re looking at a fairly potent lineup.

NL Central
How can the Cardinals be the best team in baseball? It’s the same team as last year. Same exact #@$%#^ team. They’re running away with baseball’s best division, leaving the Cubs – a pretty good wild card team – in their dust. I think they win it, and the dramaticist in me thinks – if the Cubs are actually going to make the Series – then of course, it will have to be through a homefield NLCS at Busch Stadium. Perfect theatre. The Reds are already falling off (Why must they play the Cards every single freaking day? Can’t they get a win, for the rest of the division?) and the Astros have trouble running in the field, around the bases, and even up to the batters’ box while carrying their walkers. The Brew Crew? Nice story, fellas. It’s like a small TV station, where you know everyone is going network in two years, but they’re solid — for what they’re worth — right now. Quite the glass case of emotion.

NL West
It would be nice if the Brewers could make the playoffs instead of either of these three teams. Bonds and Schmidt are good on the Giants, but that’s it. The Dodgers can’t hit (again). And the Padres? Well, the kids are all right, Jake Peavy should be an All-Star, but they are lacking a certain ingredient. What it is, I don’t really know. The Giants are my pick, and once again, they don’t quite have enough to get over the hump in the playoffs. Another prediction: Brewers have a better record, but miss out on the postseason.

AL MVP: Vlad Guerrero. He hits everything, he’s finally a winner, and he’s ready to carry a team on his back. His numbers are astonishing, and despite the fact he runs like The Tin Man, he’s a great four-tool player. Pudge finishes second, don’t whine at me with the last-place-team-can’t-have-an-MVP-because-they’ve-proven-they’re-not-valuable argument, Vlad wins because he’s been more impressive, and that says a lot. Go on, what catcher, in baseball history, would you trade Pudge for? Absolutely no one. (If you said Johnny Bench you’re clearly either Joe Morgan, or you’re between 57 and 80 years old.) Who, right now, among any player, would you trade Pudge for? No one. There goes the value argument.

NL MVP: Scott Rolen. 80 RBI. Is he the factor that turned the Cards around? Chris Carpenter and Tony Womack may argue, but Rolen’s a monster. It’s not Bonds, it’s Rolen. He’s too good in all facets of the game, and if you are forced (regrettably) to view the teams as deciding factor, St. Louis’ rise is more impressive than San Fran’s continued adequocity (apologies, Bill McNeal).

AL Cy: Mark Mulder. He’s always been the best of the A’s Big Three. Let’s give him his due.

NL Cy: Jason Schmidt. If Pedro, Randy, or Curt were having this season, we’d be bypassing them into the Hall of Fame immediately. Best pitcher in baseball. Last season, too.

AL Rookie: Bobby Crosby, Oakland. All right! Is he related to the Yankees’ Bubba? Do they have a brother, Bonzi?

NL Rookie: Khalil Greene, San Diego. You got me. I don’t care about the rookie awards. I got busted on this as a kid, when I bought a poster of Jerome Walton.

Playoffs:
Yankees, 3-2, over Anaheim.
White Sox, 3-2, over Boston.
Yankees, 4-3, over White Sox.

Cardinals, 3-0, over Giants
Pirates, 3-2, over Phillies.
Cardinals, 4-2, over Pirates.

That’s right, I’m picking a Yanks-Cardinals World Series. At which point I will crawl into a hole and die. Who cares? I would rather the sun collide with the earth.

But, regardless, this pick wasn’t made as a blatant attempt to jinx anyone. Nope. No sir. And the Pirates in the playoffs, you ask? Could be a typo. That’s it, a typo. See you in October.