Mister Faded Glory | www.misterfadedglory.com

If you’re wondering where I’ve been for the last few days, rest assured that I am well. I just happen to be exercising a vow of silence in commemoration of the death of former president/conservative tool Ronald Reagan.

It is — but of course! — complete justice that the Great Communicator is finally getting the recognition he deserves, only upon his deathbed. With that said, you can expect my silent mourning period to last well into July, probably finishing on July 4 (Yep, I’m a freakin’ patriot) with a candlelight vigil on the runway at Reagan National Airport in Washington, D.C., scene of Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

You can also expect news coverage of Reagan’s death/funeral/wake/eulogy/decomposition to last into the summer, winding up June 15 on CNN, June 18 on The Washington Post and The New York Times, eight days ago on MichaelMoore.com, August 1 on MSNBC, and June 30, 2008 on FoxNews. While you’ve no doubt been deeply grieving over the news, here’s what you may have missed.

Tapes finally surfaced in the Enron scandal, proving the company sought to manipulate California. CBS broke this story, but conveniently during the whole Reagan-palooza, it may have gotten lost in the shuffle. Congrats, CBS corporate honchos, kick back and wait for the tax breaks.

The government is planning to dispose of oodles of toxic VX gas that is stored in Indiana, the only problem is – they don’t know where to put it! Ha! Dupont wants to dump it in the water. Naturally.

Guess what, there’s another G8 summit this week. Ah, who am I kidding? No controversy ever erupts at those.

We’ve increased troops in Iraq. No doubt ensuring a smooth governmental transition on June 30 – TWENTY DAYS AWAY.

And, in an egregious display of hubris, John Ashcroft appeared before a Congressional committee to explain the surfacing of a confidential memo, stating that [any custodial interrogations under direct supervision of the commander-in-chief may include [torture].] Now, you don’t need to be a legal scholar to realize that this could mean ANY military interrogation might not have to abide by the silly Geneva Convention, Miranda rights, or that pesky Constitution, because the president is technically commander of the entire military chain. Nice try, Ash. However, he claimed no executive privilege, showed no evidence of an executive order, showed no case law, none of those escape tools that right-wing higher-ups generally spin out … nothing! He just simply said the administration felt no need to turn over the memo, not to mention any need to abide by any international or domestic policies and laws on custodial interrogation and apprehension. Classic. I don’t know why he stopped short of claiming that God said it was all right. Yeah, like it didn’t cross his mind.

Anyway, make sure you have fun over the weekend celebrating — I mean, mourning – Dutch’s death. But watch out for the wool – being pulled right over our eyes.